Griffin Tales - Baby Blog.

2008-09-28T10:32:00.005-04:00

Griffin is now going to school. We had a long, heartbreaking process to get him into a school that could help him with his speech issues, without treating him as if he is autistic or mentally retarded. Thankfully, the director at one place downtown saw that he was not at all like the evaluation done on him, and spoke to the school district about a change in their recommendations. All this summer, he'd been going to a place that was a mix of regular and challenged kids. G's grandfather was very generous, and we were able to put him into the all day program for a few days a week. He bloomed while he was there, and we were able to get a firm handle on his screaming.. and his vocabulary started to pick up. It was also the first place where the teachers wanted to work with me to help Griffin, instead of trying to kick him out immediately. I felt like a weight had been lifted off me, like there was some hope and a point to all this.

So, now he's going to school. The screaming showed back up in between the time his summer program ended, and school began, so we're all working with him on it. Usually, he screams during transitions he doesn't like. His vocabulary is improving rapidly. He's regained an interest in his instruments. He seems happier in general. And he loves the school bus.
He loves the bus so much that he doesn't want to get off the thing in the afternoon. As he leaves it, he asks to get back on it (and also for his father).

He's changing, and it's hard to keep up, but it's easier to connect with him, and that makes me very happy. I am hoping that within a few months, he will be speaking much more coherently. I think we'd all be so much happier and stronger together. This summer went well. Griffin became so confident in the water, that he learned how to swim mostly on his own. We didn't have to hold onto him anymore, and could play some games with him. He never wanted to leave the pool. Honestly, I didn't either. I wish I could be a kid again, and not have to make the decision that we have to leave, really. Or remember to pack everything we need. I have gotten pretty good at packing for all the things we'll need; diaper explosion, burned faces, toys. Food, sometimes. I wonder if this is an ability that you get when you get pregnant. Like milk production!

Eric and I have been thinking of another one, but circumstances being what they are with the economy, I don't think we'll be getting a house until we're well past that stage. Right now, we can't fit another one into the equation. And I would like to keep losing weight. It would probably destroy things None of that matters to certain parts of me. My heart wants a girl. Given Eric's genes, I'll get a boy. Though I suppose that could be fun too. He could use someone to roll around with, once he's grown a little.

So over all, we're optimistic, and happy to settle in for a very long 10 months of schools.

Griffin and the end of schools.

2008-04-18T15:46:00.003-04:00

He loves school. He calls it "schools", and every night, he asks to go there. "Schools?" he says sleepily, "kids?". He's desperate to play with other children, and it breaks my heart to see him sometimes trying to play with older children who ignore him. Since he started 'schools' a few months ago, he's changed dramatically. He knows how to share. He knows how to play with other children. He can control himself and not take a toy out of another child's hands. His vocabulary has jumped a mile, and he's trying very hard to communicate using words.

I think we made the best decision to put him there, despite their insistence that he get tested for everything under the sun. He will be evaluated, but all the troublesome behaviour that they set before us in great solemnity is now changed to something else. No one listens to parents, I guess. We told them that he had never been in a real social situation, and that we thought it would change a lot in him, but .. we just live here, and they see him for 3 hours, 4 days a week. They have degrees, you see, and degrees impart weight to words.

We did not want to get him evaluated, but they refuse to let him join the summer session without it, so we will get him evaluated. I think it would be a severe blow to Griffin's newfound sense of community to wait until Fall for him to have school again. I fear what the evaluators will say. With the prevalence of ADD&ADHD, and its use as the 'child does not sit perfectly still, we are at wits end' diagnoses, we worry about fighting with educators forever once we get him evaluated and this is on his permanent record.

There is only one thing I really want help with.. the screaming. He screams when there are things happening he dislikes, or when we are about to do something he won't like, or we change from an activity he loves, to something he doesn't want. He screams when he's afraid, he screams when he's frustrated. The noise is this horrible high pitched shriek that pierces the soul. I'd love to be able to have a way to get him to stop. He doesn't seem to comprehend it when we tell him to stop. Either that, or he's ignoring us.. and ignoring us is the new thing with him.

All in all though, I am happy with how he is growing, though I wish he would use the pedals on his bike. He apparently does this at school... but not here. Here he hunches over the top of the bike, and scoots along using his feet. He can get up a surprising speed this way.... but it's so silly. He actively resists learning how to use the pedals.. or simply using them here. It's very frustrating, and I should let it go, but I'm now fixating on it. I should probably not wish for him to pedal.. he could go so fast that I lose him in the maze of parking lots that make up the apartment complex.

This session is ending soon, and then there is a month or so until summer session.. if they let him into summer session (which I believe they will, as we are now submissive to their whims), and I dread a month of his being bored, sad, and asking plaintively for 'schools'.

Griffin and the New Snow

2007-12-14T01:44:00.000-05:00

Griffin broke our camera, so here's an old picture of him from his first Christmas. Soon we'll have another camera, and I'll add new pictures.

Last year, he experienced snow for the first time that he'll remember. In October, in fact, during Arborgeddon. He was pretty excited then by it, but spent only a small amount of time in it, in an over sized suit bought by my mother. This year, he was excited to see it. "Yay! Snow!" he exclaims, running to the window, "Socka! Shoe! 'Side!". So his father brought him outside, in the same suit, now dangerously snug in the crotch. Once out in the weather, our little man decided it was okay to wear a hat, but not so much with mittens. Disturbed by the snow on all the playground equipment, he got a stick, and started hitting the stuff off swings, and the slide. Once he'd determined that he'd put the playground right, they came home, where we unwisely gave him a little hot chocolate.
Last Christmas, he was kind of unsure what to do with the packages, until too far after the occasion. This year, I expect not to be able to leave the living room for a moment without having to put him in his high chair. He will look at the tree, and promptly try to either climb it, or knock it down. We are travelling to my sister's house this year, but we're having a tree anyway. Christmas just isn't right without a blurry attempt at a picture of our tree. Also, since I was a kid, I've always loved to sit in the dark with the tree lights on. We have ours set to slowly fade from colour to colour (I have to get some lighting kicks somehow, I suppose), and I love the way it plays with the shinier ornaments. We may not have those on the tree this year, because of Griffin's desire to own all things. All the same, the lights bring me peace. A lot of very crappy stuff seems to always happen around this time of year. I'm not sure what the deal is with this..but every year, without fail, something happens to someone we know, if not us. Eric's had his share, early in life, so I hope he's immune now, like chicken pox. This year, the Christmas Pox appears to be affecting so many friends. I'm hoping my ankle is the end of it for us (*knocks on wood*).
Eric's mother is up for Christmas, and to see Griffin's new cousin, Elijah (who is massively awesome). Tomorrow, she'll watch G, and let Eric and I go to the theater. I don't get to the theater enough, and I always love going with Eric. I hope, when G gets older, we can all go together.
Be well
-Autumn

Griffin and the Trip of Doom

2007-05-25T11:34:00.000-04:00

My sister Willow just graduated from Albany law school. We went down to be with her at her graduation. It was also the weekend of Griffin's 2nd birthday. The trip down to Albany was good. It was just about 5 hours, and Griffin was a remarkably good boy for most of it.

My sister and her partner have a fantastic half of a duplex, two dogs, and two cats. Griffin saw Willow's dog, Trucker, and immediately the two became good friends. Griffin would throw Trucker's ball, and he would run after it.. then Griffin would take the ball from the dog's mouth without fear. They ran from the front to the back of the house, over and over again. Willow and Amber were very happy to see their cute wee nephew, and surprised, I think, by how energetic he is, and how much he's grown. Griffin and Eric were both exhausted, so they went to the hotel early. Griffin refused to sleep in his crib, and hated the hotel. Eric got him to sleep on the bed, and the rest of the night was spent restlessly, as we passed him back and forth. This was to be indicative of the whole trip.. Griffin would not eat, and would barely sleep. Unless he was outside playing in a park, he was grumpy and tested his boundaries, over and over and over.

All the same, he had a nice birthday party that Saturday. All his grandparents (he has many!) except Dean were there, and he got many awesome gifts. We had hoped to stay two more nights, to visit with my father, and my friends, but Griffin had a melt down, and we had to leave too early. The only place he felt comfortable was the car, so we got back in it, and went home, packed to the gills with presents. I am so happy that Griffin has people who love him so much. I never thought to be thankful for my family, but after so long with friends who have families that leave me scratching my head in wonder, I realize that I have a blessing here.. and I don't think I'll ever take it for granted again. I'm so happy for my son, that he has these people who will always love him.

Be well,
Autumn

Griffin and the colouring, hang out day.

2007-04-18T16:48:00.000-04:00

Griffin sat on my lap, and coloured. Every now and then he would give me a crayon insistantly, and it meant that I should write down a letter. So I'd write "A" or "O" or "P".. or any of a bunch of letters he knows well. He'd grin, point, and say the letter. Then he'd go back to making random marks on the paper with a crayon or a pen, and I'd go back to the computer. Every now and then I would stop what I was doing, and kiss his head, or tickle him. We sat like this for hours, the two of us in our own worlds, intersecting when we really wanted to. When he decided he wanted Sesame Street, he asked for it by pointing to the remote, and then sat on my lap with his fingers in his mouth, watching Sesame Street, and colouring. I occasionally would sing a song along with the muppets, in his ear. This would make him giggle hysterically. Then something frightened him, an animation on the show, and he wept into my chest. I turned the tv off, and comforted him. After he was done being afraid, he talked to me about it in his 1 year old language, occasionally punctuating his words with English. I looked him in the eye while he did this, and I listened to his tale for a while.

It occurred to me, after he'd abandoned me to play under the coffee table, that Griffin is incredibly cool. Our coffee table has a top that raises up, so you can eat/work on papers/read comfortably on the couch. It has a metal arm and springs that do this. Griffin climbs under the table to play a lot, and today he raised the table top, and went underneath to play. He hit and kicked the springs and arm, to make mellow sproingy metal noises, in rhythm. He did this for hours, just experimenting with sound, completely absorbed in it.

I have found that I can watch him for a very long time, without losing interest. He's incredible, my little silly boy. I love that he lets me read to him, I love that he calls a fork a "Circle". I love that he can ask for juice, or tells me when he wants his dad. I love that he makes the sound for a chicken when we tell him he's eating chicken, or the panting noise he makes when referring to a dog when he's eating a hot dog. I love his hair, I love his cute little cheeks, I love his way of crossing his fingers while he's chewing or sucking on them.

I loved the hang out day, and hope there's many more.
Be Well,
-Autumn

Griffin and the Apologetic Update.

2007-03-22T19:45:00.000-04:00

First, let me apologize to everyone seeing this via RSS, I don't know why blogspot reposted them all.

I realize that I haven't updated this blog in a long time. Christmas came and went, and every month after I meant to continue this page, but the longer I went, the larger the job. If you will forgive me, I will continue as if nothing has changed.

Watching Griffin is fascinating. I can actually see him learning as he goes about his day. In the beginning of December, he was just beginning to learn the alphabet. Now he knows several words (and along with them, concepts), and seems to come up with a new one every day. He knows a few letters, shapes, and recognizes numbers.

I revel in his love of music, and making it with his toys. He has his two xylophones, of course, but he also uses pots and pans, the tables, his own body. I have become nearly immune to the racket he can produce. We will go into the kitchen, and I will cook something.. his lunch, or dinner. He will get a pan out of the cabinet, and bang on it with spoons, or his hands. He has a DVD of Stomp, that he watches over and over again, sometimes playing with them. He is a big fan of percussion, but he also likes other instruments, loving to watch people play the violin, or playing with his own pennywhistle. I know that not many other people can stand to hear the incessant clanging and banging, but I have a lot of patience because Griffin clearly has a passion for it.

With March comes a cessation to the snow, ice, and general evil. While we've brought him out a few times in the warmer weather, I can't wait until it gets to be summer, or even late spring. The return of sane weather and a loss of soggy ground will allow family outings of a more athletic nature. Kicking his ball around outside, swimming in the pool, meeting and chasing ducks in the park.. everything and anything to get out of the confines of the house.

Griffin has started to test my resolve, and we've begun a battle of stamina. I will win, but it will not be easy. His father is involved in this too, of course, but I see Griffin during most of his 'testing' time during the day, so I get the brunt of it. I don't mind this testing, because it does indicate that he's able to accept and understand boundaries and a little consequences for actions, such as having a toy taken away if he continues to bang on the television with it, and so on. Griffin also is capable and willing to tell me when he wants me to come and play with him, instead of just crying. I like this too.

When Griffin wants us to do something, he will attempt to move us to the place he wants us to go, or grab our hands and pull them to the object he wants us to interact with. For instance, he will routinely grab a finger, and pull it to a letter on a poster or a toy. When we say the name of the letter, he will move the finger to another one.. and so forth. Or if he wants to go outside and we're not getting his clever hints (such as bringing us his shoes), he'll move our hand to the doorknob.

Someday, he will speak English. Probably in full sentences, and that will make me very happy.

I promise to update regularly. For now, be well.
-Autumn

Griffin and the Briney Bird

2006-12-06T22:28:00.000-05:00

It has been a long time, since I have updated this blog, and I do apologize for my tardiness. Quite a lot has happened in a small space of time, and I let this fall by the wayside.

This charming picture is of Griffin wearing his Uncle Dennis' hat. The hat stayed with us for a while, and ruled the house from its lofty perch on our gaming bookshelf. It oversaw Thanksgiving as well, making sure we made merry in the proper spirit of the day.

Thanksgiving was a full house. My brother in law Matt and his wife Nisha came, along with their twin boys. My mother and my step father came as well. I made two pies, one that I'm immensely proud of, and Matt brought a delicious pie and some lunch. I had a great time, and it was another awakening that Griffin really needs more socializing with other children in his life. The instant Nate and Sebastian came into the apartment, he was giggling, and ecstatically happy. They are now to the point where they can all play together, so there's also more time for the grownups to talk, which was also delightful. Sadly, he was too excited to eat much of the day's fare, but that was just fine. He did manage to get some of our lovely brined turkey (he likes dark meat), and some cranberry sauce, which he is both wary of, and enamoured with.

Griffin now takes both of his xylophones and puts them together as if they were one massive keyboard, and plays them at the same time. He has been experimenting with tones, and I know I've heard him from time to time, imitating music he's just heard. He also has an annoying fixation with the television, so I have to resort to turning off the cable box in order to cease its senseless nattering after Sesame Street has finished.

Sesame Street has had an amazing effect on him, as well. Griffin sits and pays rapt attention to every recitation of the alphabet, often indicating that I should rewind it so he can watch again. Then one day I watched him as he tried very hard to repeat the letters. It was during a sequence where an animated character showed each letter along with the sign language for it. I always use sign language when I recite the alphabet, and I think it was what clicked for him. I am very excited by this.

He has also started to cuddle with his stuffed toys. Putting him down for his nap, or for bedtime proper has become incredibly cute. This very evening in fact, he started cuddling one of his teddy bears, which let us know he was ready to sleep. When I put him in his crib he cuddled up to it, snuggling into bed. He does the same thing for his nap, giving me this huge smile (Sometimes, I wonder if he's being cute on purpose. He does mug for the camera from time to time, which is also incredibly cute.). He now goes down for his nap without much of a fuss, getting into his crib after some cuddling. I can't express how relieved this makes me, since his naps previously were only achieved after me leaving him screaming in his crib.

We look forward to Christmas with a combination of heady expectation and fear. Griffin will love the tree, the lights, the presents, the company. We will read him the Grinch (which his Aunt Amber thoughtfully provided for us), and put him in something damn cute to sleep in. We're just afraid that he will try to scale the tree, remove the ornaments, and eat the pine needles. He did have a first Christmas, but he was not as cognizant as he is now, and I think he will love it.

Now I must go.

Be well,
Autumn

Griffin and the Ray of Sunshine

2006-11-14T22:48:00.000-05:00

We play. That's the first thing he's done for me. We bang on things, and make loud noises with our mouths. It is a LOT of fun, and I enjoy giving in to the urge to make a lot of noise. We stack blocks. We chase each other around (slowly). I ask him to show me where his nose, his eyes, his ears are.. though he points to them on MY body instead. We watch Sesame Street together. I read him books. I show him letters and numbers.

I love playing with him, because it feels like the closed, cynical gate to my heart opens up and I can just be free.

I also revel in the moments when he wants to cuddle. Bed time and nap time, I hold him and we just commune together. He never wants to let me go, and I seriously want to stay with him like that all night, or all afternoon.

Griffin gets bananas in the morning. I don't know when I started that, but it's become a staple. A banana or two in the morning for breakfast. He loves them, and gets really excited when I get one down for him. "Na!" he says, or "Nana!" on rare occasions. It always excites me, these proto-words. He has gotten down the word "No", and what it means as well, though sometimes he'll use it just because he's having fun. He'll say "nononononono" and shake his head really hard while grinning his ass off.

Lately things have been sad for me, but he gives me little rays of light. Also, the increased ease with which I walk brightens my mood considerably. I can pick him up, and walk with him. I can bounce him a little. I can chase him, I can take him out in his stroller.

Don't ever lose your ability to play. Not just complex games, but even just being able to loosen up and bang loudly on something just for the fun of it. Picking up stray rocks, or hiding behind something just to peek out and giggle.

Life is, actually, good.
Be well,
Autumn

Griffin and the Squishy Pumpkin

2006-11-06T00:02:00.000-05:00

We all went to pick out pumpkins for Halloween. Griffin was so interested in the mud puddles around the place that he completely ignored the pumpkins, until we picked him up and showed them to him. I think this picture of Eric makes him look really Dad like, with the grey at the temples.

We go to this farmer's market near us called "Spoth's" for seasonal stuff like pumpkins, cookies, syrup, and Christmas trees.

We selected two small pumpkins so we could have them in our small apartment, and brought them home. We put down a towel, and opened up a pumpkin. Griffin was not pleased with the icky stuff inside the pumpkin, so we gave him a spoon, and let him mash the innards in the bowl as we scooped them out. This, he was pleased with. Eric carved a cute little face on his, and I carved a cute 'scary' face on mine. We turned out the lights, and put candles on inside them.
Griffin was less than pleased with this, and made really unhappy noises, and then started crying, so we turned the lights back on. He seemed to like them a great deal when the lights were on, though. We didn't have a costume for him this year, but next year we will. The trick or treating situation in most of Buffalo is kind of sad, but I hope in Williamsville (where we live), I hope it might be more like I remember trick or treating to be. We'll see, I suppose!

Having Griffin did do one thing I knew it would. We can't just ignore or procrastinate away holidays anymore. We used to MEAN to carve pumpkins, and then either forget to get one, or just postpone carving one. We had done this for years, but we can't do that anymore! Actually, his arrival has put a lot of our bad procrastinating habits in serious trouble, if not outright destroyed them. You just can't procrastinate about getting diapers.

I feel a little pressure about holidays. I want him to remember them with the same kind of golden haze that I have about certain ones. I have great Halloween memories because my family made sure I had them. My mother and step father used to make me some great costumes, some of which were really just for me. The Ozma of Oz costume I had included this crown that was based on the pictures in the book.. but it wasn't the kind of costume that is a crowd pleaser. It was really a private mark of love for me. I remember bits of Christmas with a weepyness for things irrevocably lost. Our family situation is such that we can't have those anymore. While we had them, though.. I loved them. I want him to have the same safe spot in his heart that the holidays give me. A sense of being in a warm isolated tower of love and joy, wrapped in a snuggly scarf or blanket. I want to have our family traditions so ingrained that he inflicts them on HIS family later, whoever they may be.

It's a lot of pressure to put on myself. I listen to the little Eric inside my head who just whispers "Just be yourself. Have fun, it will stick", and I relax, because I know it's true. Every truly good moment in my life has come from relaxing and being myself. As much as I might worry about everything else in the world, I DO know that at least as far as Griffin goes, the holidays will wrap him up in candybar wrappers and glowing pumpkins. They'll float him along in o'er brimming gravy boats, and he will rest in a pine bough as the soft red, blue, and green lights fade in and out. He will sleep with the scent of pine needles, and he will for that night if no others, be safe.

Be well,
Autumn

Griffin and the Great Snow

2006-10-17T23:55:00.000-04:00

On Thursday Oct 12, it began snowing. Eric came home early, and he played outside with Griffin. Griffin loved the snow. We soon realized that he needs a snowsuit and gloves, however. He was incredibly unhappy coming inside, but after we dried him off and put him in his feetie pajamas, he was a happy lad. We even let him taste our cocoa. The snow got worse and worse, but it still was snuggly and warm. Our phone went out. I plugged in my cellphone to recharge, on a hunch.

Then at dinner time, the lights went out. Griffin was very unhappy. He didn't like the candles (though he tried very hard to touch them), and whenever one of us left the room he screamed and cried. We were in good spirits, and though the electricity did not come back, we thought it would. We called my sister in law, who offered their home, but we were certain everything would come back. It didn't. The next day, their electricity was out, too. We called a friend who lived in Wheatfield, and he offered us succor.

The next few days were bad for poor Griffin, who really didn't understand why we left our home. He slept in his 'pack and play' in the laundry room next to the basement "rec" room that we were occupying. He is an adventurous and curious lad, so the fact that he couldn't touch many things irked him, and he kept trying our patience on purpose. Finally, though, our electricity came back on, and we went home. He is now a little off, but I think when we get our cable back and he can see "Sesame Street" again, he will be completely whole once more. While we were at our friend's house, anything that reminded him of his house he obsessed over. I think the highlight was when he was dead asleep in the other section of the basement on a blanket, and we were gathered around a computer, watching a music video that we also watch a lot when we're home. Griffin woke up from his sleep and staggered into our part of the room, falling on the floor like a wee zombie, looking for the video like it would magically bring him home again.

This just puts me in the mood for Christmas. Griffin in his little red feeties, sitting and looking at cartoons while snow falls in the background. I can't wait until we have the lights up, and the tree (though that will also be a pain in the butt, as he will try to grab all the ornaments). I can't wait to show him the old claymation Christmas specials, and the animated Grinch. Cookie smells, hot cocoa smells, and everything safe and snuggly. Until everything turned into a wee bit of a horror show, the afternoon with him and the snow was actually incredibly exciting.

I am downplaying a lot of the fear and unhappyness that went with this weekend. I was scared that he would get sick, or that we would have to stay in the apartment as it slowly got colder and colder. I was scared we would starve (though Griffin wouldn't, even if I had to hunt the wild turkeys in the back, dammit!), because our stove is electric. Driving in the snow and slippery slush was frightening, because there were no stop lights and people were acting like idiots. The only reason I was okay with it was because Eric is an incredible bad weather driver. The mounting feeling of doom was also stressful. We slowly began to hear more and more in drips and drabs. National Grid saying that it would take 1-5 days to return to normal.. Then upping it's estimate to another week. Friends of ours trapped on the 90, people dying as tree limbs fell on them, water running out, then having to boil it. It is far from Katrina, but it was scary.

We are home, we are safe. Griffin is beautiful, and we get paid tomorrow. Take care of each other.
Be well,
Autumn

2006-10-16T23:19:00.000-04:00

Buffalo was hit by a major snowstorm, and everyone lost power. Griffintales is postponed until I am re-combobulated.

Griffin and the Runny Nose

2006-10-01T09:42:00.000-04:00

Griffin is captivated by Sesame Street. Every morning we watch it, and it gives me some time to wake up. Being Sunday, no show, but I had one taped. Griffin doesn't seem to mind if he's seen it already.

We've been taking Griffin to the park a lot lately near our home. It's made for larger kids, but he is very capable of playing on most of the equipment. He climbs on the plaything, he picks up sticks and pokes things with it. He picks up leaves, he is cute at older kids. Sometimes we see younger kids, and Griffin makes friends. It's better than taking him around our apartment complex, because there's no cars, and also play equipment. The area around the park is a place I'd love to live, should we ultimately make our home in Buffalo. It's probably not going to happen, but I can dream!

The other day we went there and it was warm. The sun beat down on us, but there was a cool Fall breeze. Leaves fell on us, and I collected a few. Griffin and Eric played, but I just sat there and thought about everything. When it started to rain we went home and Griffin got a nap. It was one of the best days we've had in a while.

Poor little Griffin is sick! I caught a cold, Eric caught it, and Griffin has it. Poor little man! The weather is partly to blame, but also, his room is always so much colder than everyplace else in the apartment.:( We crank the heat, though I think some heavy curtains would help keep the heat in as well as helping with naptime. Before we get that though, he needs more warm clothing. We have a lot of summer clothing, but our collection of longer pants in his size is very small. We have a lot of pants that are too small, though! We DO have some pants that are too big, so we supplement his supply with a lot of rolled up cuffs. Hey, it works!

I'm keeping this post short, but I do want to say that Griffin is awesome, even when he's cranky. I love him a lot.
Be well,
Autumn

Griffin and the Price of Fear

2006-09-19T19:41:00.000-04:00

This is Griffin's 'Ron Weasley' type shirt that his aunt Amber gave to him. Lately I've been pondering people in my past. One different step here or there, and I would have a completely different life. It is a little dizzying to think of it, and in some cases also a bit sad. I love my husband and baby more than I can easily express, but what if I had decided to swear off men completely? At one point, I was teetering on just giving up on that and concentrating on women. I really wanted a full time girlfriend, but the only taker was a woman who later became a little too dangerous to my aspirations of staying out of jail. Every other woman I've been with has been a bit of a fling with someone who is mostly straight, and that makes me incredibly sad. I wasn't only thinking of relationships. I also had a lot of career opportunities while I was in school. If I hadn't been too scared to take them, I would probably be doing a lot of theatre in NYC by now. A lot of things in my life were based on being too scared to do something else.

I bring this up here because I never want him to be afraid of doing something. I never want him to think, as I do, "I really want to do this thing, but I know I am too ugly/fat/stupid/wrong to do it, so I won't even try". I do this all the time, and it gets on my nerves. I sit down to write something, and I get frozen at the keyboard. I try to draw, and I just can't. I think that's why I love doing theatre so much.. I know I'm good at it, really good at it. I very rarely think I'm going to suck at it, and it's a very freeing feeling. This has got to be because I grew up around it, and that made it second nature. Anyway, I'm scared I'm going to instill that in him by accident, that he'll see me doing it and assume it for himself.

It's a bad habit, and I need to break it.

His great grandmother is not doing so well. We were planning on making a visit this October anyhow, and now it has a greater urgency to me. I wished that he could remember her. I love her a lot, and I can't think straight about it. She and I grew much closer when Griffin was born, and it's something I'd wanted for a long time. I feel very angry.

Griffin has suddenly discovered waving. He waves goodbye when he's being taken out of a room, and it's too cute for words. He will also dance if you tell him to, with this great big grin on his face. He walks around on his toes when he is really happy. When he really likes food, he goes "mmm!". He's discovered the word "no", but doesn't really use it on it's own.. just when he's upset. For instance, when I put him down for his nap, he'll say "nah nah nah no no no..". He's also become able to amuse himself in his crib for hours at a time. In the morning, we've been relying on him to wake us up because we often sleep through an alarm. But lately he's been letting us sleep in forever while he lays there talking to himself, or playing with stuff. He does it at naptime too, once he's certain I'm not coming back in there to get him. Then he drifts off to sleep.

A book called "The Foot Book" and "The Tooth Book" are his favourites. I'll read it to him, and when I'm done he'll hit the book with a commanding sort of noise as if to say, "Again, I decree it!". So, I'll do it again. I think I can do it now without the books.:P Other books he'll get tired of, and go do something else halfway through. When he's really tired, though, he'll sit through them.
I'm home alone tonight because Eric has taken Griffin to a later Dr's appointment (she is always SO booked up!), to get a shot and be looked over. I hate it when he gets a shot, poor little guy.

This last picture here is of me, Griffin, and his great grandparents (my grandparents!), when Griffin was less than 2 months old, at the fourth of July in '05. Yes, I look weird.
Be Well
-Autumn

Griffin and the Time Machine

2006-09-10T22:29:00.000-04:00

I'm singing "Shoes go on feet" to him. He's so fragile, so easily hurt, so easily taught the wrong things. I think our occasional tap on the hand to teach "no" is backfiring. I've stopped doing it.

When I look at this, it reminds me of old photographs found in abandoned houses, or in the leaves of second hand books. It's a slice of time frozen forever, and you can never know what was really happening there. If someone found this photo stuck between the pages of my "Peter Wimsey" book after buying it from some dude selling a zillion books on a blanket in NYC.. like, 10 or 20 years from now..they wouldn't know that while I was putting on his shoes, while we were being recorded, frozen in time.. I was singing to him "Shoes go on feet". They wouldn't know that I was getting him ready to walk outside with his Da, to go drop stones in the storm grate. They wouldn't know that I was finally healing from years of injury, pain and doubt. They wouldn't know about our little apartment, that his name is Griffin, or that he likes grapefruit juice in his sippy cup. They might keep it, or throw it away. They might wonder who we were. I know when I see pictures on the "found" website, I really want to know who these people were. What was going on in their lives?

It's the same with very old pictures. It's strange to look at one, and think "These people are all dead".

But at least they were captured by the time machine first.
-A

Griffin and the Leap of Faith

2006-09-04T11:07:00.000-04:00

Griffin likes to climb, as I've said before. We have a little table next to our big stuffed chair. Griffin likes to climb onto that table a lot. I let him, but I'm watching closely to grab him, should he fall. When he decides he wants to get down, he likes to stand on the edge of it, and then dive at the chair face first. He does this with the coffee table and the couch, too. His faith that the chair will be there, and that he will be fine amazes me. We lose so much when we age. I've dubbed him "extreme baby". I'm glad that my legs are starting to work better again, because keeping up with an extreme baby is hard!

Plus, tiring. He's VERY active, and really likes the outdoors. I can take him out in his stroller, but what he REALLY wants is to walk around outside. Eric does this when he comes home. Like a puppy, Griffin invariably stands near the door whenever Eric starts his drive home from work, and bangs on it while saying "Da da da!". He does it even when Eric is going to be late, getting more and more upset when "Da" doesn't come home on time. I love it when other people come to our house, because they all interact with him so differently. One friend runs around the apartment with him, which makes Griffin laugh hysterically. They also kick the big green ball around a lot together. Another friend cuddles him and makes her husband very nervous. There's not much else to say, today. It's a melancholy Labor Day, rainy and quiet. Everyone's mood is damp, and I hope we can get outside, or something, to blow the sad cobwebs away.
Be well, all.
Autumn

Griffin and the Grandmother's Visit

2006-08-28T00:04:00.000-04:00

This is a picture of Griffin after he was done playing with his crayons, and his father. Eric drew the mustache on, which Griffin seemed to like a great deal.

Eric and I went to Gencon, a gaming convention in Indianapolis. It lasted for 4 days, and instead of bringing Griffin with us, we left him in the capable hands of his aunt Amber, and his Grandmother (my mom). I have to admit, I was really not ready to do this. I couldn't get him to take a nap in the middle of the day, unless he was sleeping on my lap and on my breast. I was also, deep in my heart, afraid that he'd forget me. I wanted to cancel the trip. Eric refused to let me wimp out on this, so in August, we took the plane to Indiana, and left him home.

He didn't forget us. My mother was able to get him to nap, though. She used pacifiers to help lull him to sleep, and he just kept saying "Ma, ma, ma" when he went to sleep. That broke my heart, but we stayed in Indiana! We had a great time, and were able to rediscover who we were seperate from Griffin. He and the two ladies had a fantastic time together, and he was completely spoiled. Then, on the friday of our trip, my father came over and they all went to the zoo! Griffin insisted on walking a great deal of the time, and apparently he was afraid of some of the animals. This was a vacation for him, too.. a chance to hang out with people who had only one agenda... spending time with him!

He seemed completely different when we got back, as if he'd aged a lot. He'd gone through changes that we didn't get to witness, and we had to get to know him again.

Because the airlines or the FAA are idiots, we had an obnoxious time getting back from the con, so we didn't arrive in time to see him before he went to bed. We went in to see him, though, and he never woke up. The next morning, though, I went in there even before he cried. He saw me, and immediately raised his arms to be picked up. Eric came in, and said hi, and we all hung out. Then he suddenly did a double take and realized that it was us. He was really happy that day, and toddled around. The best part was breastfeeding. It changed a bit.. all pretense of doing it for food was gone, and it became something for bonding. After the first time, he seemed almost drunk, he was so happy. I concurred.

Things he is now doing:

Walks everywhere. Eric and he go for walks outside, and he explores the area.
Climbs everything he possibly can. His grandmother, bless her, got him a little climby thing with a slide. I've been wanting one for a long time, to help sate his climbing urges.
Brings me books he wants me to read, on command. He would bring me books randomly before, but now he gets them when I ask. His favourites are ones that rhyme. We only have a couple bona fide Dr. Seuss books, and these are the ones he really wants me to read. Over, and over and over and over and over.........
Tries to say "spatula". When I am unloading the dishwasher, I invariably give him a plastic spatula to play with to keep him satisfied (so he doesn't try to take all the dishes out of it). When I do I say "it's a Ssssssssssspatula!". Now, when he gets it, he says "ssssssssss".
During our 4 days in Indiana, he learned how to tilt his bottle upwards when he gets low. He never used to be able to figure that out, so he had to drink it lying down.
Claps his hands. In fact, he can 'give me five', too.
Eat a dill pickle wedge. mmmmm, pickles.
Dance! He does a little dance now when he likes music that's on, or he's happy. He also does a dance when the surface he's on is amusing.. like, it crinkles, or makes a fun noise.
Kicks his ball! If you show him that you can kick the big green ball, he'll walk around kicking it. Or even try to play a little kicky game with it and you.
Plays with himself. Before we left for Indiana, he had found his penis, but during our absence, he found it with a vengance. Now every time I change him he grabs at it and asks me what it is. If he has something in his hand, he'll whack it against his crotch, saying "wuzzat?" Sometimes this is funny, other times I just want to remove the poop and have no time for it.
Tries to use language. He has "wuzzat" down. Usually it means "what is that". but sometimes it means "I want that", or "read me that", or "that thing up there is cool" (referring to the ceiling fan).

We take him to the park, and let him interact with other little kids, and climb on things. It's something I look forward to quite a bit.
I wish I knew more people here with kids. My sister in law is here, but we don't see as much of them as I'd like. Part of me has an (perhaps) unreasonable assumption that I'd dislike most of the people around us with kids, but I can't know that for sure. The one mom we DID meet and speak to at the playground was really nice. Her son and Griffin met on the playground, and seemed to get along famously. I'm too shy and scared to ask people for whatever a "playdate" is, so I'm at a loss. Not for the first time, I wish I lived downstate, where I know people with children, and they are all fantastic.

Now, it's really late, and I should have been asleep a long time ago.
Be well,
Autumn

Griffin and the Storm of Doom

2006-07-31T23:43:00.000-04:00

So many things have happened with Griffin that I keep procrastinating on a post. The more I procrastinate, the worse it gets! I think I had better do a complete sum up, so I can give a complete picture.

On May 18th, 2005, I gave birth to the wee Griffin. At the time all he did was sleep,cry, and suck on me. Now he can:

Walk. He's gone very quickly from mostly crawling to mostly walking.
Understand what we're saying to him. He understands "no" most definately. He understands that a ball has the name 'ball', and recognizes when someone else has a ball (ie: When a Teletubby has one). He will go and get the ball when requested, most of the time. He understands that he likes cheese, and that if I promise him that an object is cheese, that he'll like it.
Climb almost anything. Regrettably, he can no longer play in his room unsupervised, because he climbs up onto the window seat, and then onto the window sill, and then onto the window. Then he tries to get onto his dresser top, or hang from the blind cords. He's also climbed onto the dining table, the back of the couch, and into his high chair.
Reach almost anything on the counter in a rather large area. Since the day I found him with a kitchen utensil, I've been watching things in there like a hawk. I suspect we'll have to get a burner guard soon. We DO have the kitchen gated off, but he'll get in there sometimes when we're using it, anyhow.
Open the oven and the dishwasher's locks. Eric caught him using the oven door as a ride the other day, thankfully it was not in use.
Bring me a book when he wants me to read. His favourite right now is one of those tactile books about animals. He likes touching the 'snake skin' in the book.
Eat what we eat. We don't buy him baby food so much anymore. He eats what we do, or we make him food extra when we're having something like steak, or something with a lot of heat. He doesn't drink formula either, but does drink whole milk.
Get himself to sleep, at night. This goes with the understanding what we're saying to him. Eric discovered one night, that if you say "lie down, it's time to sleep", he will. Moreover, he'll play with us. He'll lie down, and then roll from side to side with a cute little kid look on his face that says 'I'm lying dooown, haha!" He'll get serious, though, and really try to get to sleep. Obnoxiously, he won't do this in the daytime. I can't get him off the breast for naps, which will become problematic when my mother comes to watch him for 4 days.
Become bored. He never used to be bored. Now, he can clearly see the outside, and he wants to go there. He loves being outdoors, he loves playing on the grass. He loves going for walks in his carriage. It's good, it gets me off of my ass, and I go for walks with him in the afternoon. This only helps my knee to heal.:)
Ask me what things are. He has a quizzical baby talk phrase that sounds like "what's that?" ("wuzzat?"), and seems to mean exactly that. He'll ask a million times what something is, and I feel sure that he is trying to ask seperate questions. Like "what's that".. then "what does it do?" etc. Some day he'll stop speaking his crazy moon language.
Recognize things on tv. He now sees the things he's watching as seperate from each other, him and me. They also are people, too, and have a relationship to him.. such as the Teletubby with the ball. He gets excited when he sees animals, and asks me what they are over and over.
Recognize images of babies and actual babies as something like him, and therefore worth a "wuzzat?". He does it with older kids, too.
Manipulate us. He knows that if he makes loud obnoxious noises, that we will occasionally give in to him. Taking away the cellphone from moist little hands? Not that easy.:P I will have to endure endless tantrums until I either give it back, or distract him. Not easy.
Tell when I'm lying to him, and learn from his mistakes. I don't carry Griffin around unless it's an emergency, due to the knees, so I've until a little while ago, gotten him to go where I want with manipulation. Mostly, this is with his diaper changes. He hates having his diaper changed, and so I've had to bribe him with a forbidden object to get him to come over. Some times, it's with the bathroom. His changing table is right next to the bathroom door, so I'll open it a crack. When Griffin goes in to look, I grab him. Now he's wise, and won't come any more.

We've also brought him swimming with us, which has had mixed reviews. While he loves splashing the water, and kicking in it, he doesn't like the temperature change. I think he really wants to swim, though. He keeps attempting to float, and lunging out into the water once he gets comfortable. I truly enjoy the time we all have in the pool. It's one of the few outdoor things I can do with him, and still participate (almost) as fully as his "da".

Griffin's Aunt Nisha and Uncle Matt have been very kind to us lately, and have watched Griffin while we go to all day Live Action Roleplaying (eric runs around with a foam sword, and I tell fortunes!). Griffin has prime opportunity to play with his fantastic cousins. Sadly, his lack of siblings shows. They excell at keeping toys away from Griffin, having practiced at each other. Griffin, not really having this kind of resistance in his life, gets frustrated and cries. I'm amused at this, and I know I sound evil, but I'm not. The little guy is going to need this kind of reality check in life, and I also know that in the scheme of things, these small frustrations melt away.

One night I was rocking him to sleep. The light in the room was that lovely deep sunset orange. He was sucking on the end of my braid, mostly asleep, the only other sound was the creak of the rocking chair. All I could think, all I could feel was 'This is a gift'. I didn't want to be anywhere else in the world right then. I don't think I've felt that kind of peace but once or twice in my life. It made everything else okay; the crying, aggravation, the uncertainty, the loss of freedoms. I know, I vowed not to get like this, and I'm not going to go much further. I just wanted to share.

This past Saturday, it started to rain. Then the rain, thunder, and lightning reached a fever pitch outside. We went onto the (covered) patio, and Griffin LOVED it. The rain and wind were too hard to stand outside, the lightning and the thunder raged above us, and he had the biggest grin on his face, and was flapping his hands around the way he does when he's really excited. The noises didn't bother him at all, and I know that next summer, we'll all be going to fireworks! I love storms, I always have. I was so happy to realize that even this young, we have so many things in common.
Now, it's late, and Griffin has a knack for waking up very early on nights that I stay up till 2am.
Be good to each other.
Autumn

Griffin and the fortress of solitude

2006-07-03T00:14:00.000-04:00

Moving is accomplished. We frantically packed in the weeks before the move, and still weren't finished. Moving is always about seeing the invisible things in your life. Sure, you know to pack the books, the computer and the clothing, but there are small things that exist in every house that we don't even notice until it's time to clear it away and put it in a box. Things like the salt and pepper shakers, scissors. Thumb tacks. Rubber bands. Menus for take out places. Refrigerator magnets.

We had our shit together for the first day of moving, we thought. Our apartment was so packed with boxes that we couldn't move. Griffin and I went to the new apartment early (7am!) to recieve all the various people. Telephone, cable, new furniture, santa, and the new movers. The new place looked huge, and Griffin quite enjoyed the giant open space to crawl around in.

The sun came through the sliding door, and Griffin crawled in circles, trying to catch the light and his shadow. I hung out there with him until Eric came with the movers. With great efficiency a group of about 5 men brought out belongings into the new place. They were a group of younger men with their father/uncle, and were quipping with each other the whole time. We gave them water and soda, they put together our bed, and moved everything in faster than I thought possible. I have never been so willing to part with $400 in my life. It was worth it. In our pasts, moving was a matter of getting all our friends together for a mass moving operation that would take all day, and too much energy. This still happened the next day, though, when our friends descended en masse to help us move the invisible stuff. I thank everything for my friends. They went above and beyond to help us get finished on time. The next day, Eric spent all his energy cleaning the wreckage of our former abode. Then we no longer lived at 1623. That took some getting used to. I loved that apartment, and it had been our home for 5 ish years. When we go by it I still get a little teary.

The first thing we set up completely was his room. In 1623 he shared his room with our computers, and this arrangement was great when he was too young to care about typing noises, or even us being in the room while he slept. As time wore on, this became a weight on all of us, and was our primary impetus for moving. We were so excited to put his room together, that we unpacked the entire thing before we even got our clothing out of boxes. I'm still excited about it. I wanted to get a hanging of the Gryffindor crest for his door (even though it has a lion and not a Griffin on it, just for the pun's sake.), but I couldn't find one! It took him a long time to get used to his own room, but now he goes in and plays with his toys whenever he wants to.

It took a long time for him to acclimate himself to the new apartment. In some ways, he's still adjusting. Part of this is our new lifestyle. Since we have this great new open floorplan, and a bathroom that you can get to without going through either his bedroom or ours, we can have more friends over. And we do, quite a bit. He's not really happy with that, but we're hoping he'll adjust to it soon. The other part is that because the floorplan is so open, he can go (almost) anyplace in the apartment without me trying to grab him and put him someplace else. Primarily, he's allowed in the kitchen and his bedroom, which were two places completely forbidden earlier because the kitchen was a mess, and the bedroom filled with computer equipment. Neither are true now.

He loves bouncing his balls on the tile floor in the kitchen. They make loud clattering noises, and bounce pretty high. My father recently got him a wiffle ball, so it makes a different sound, and bounces funny. Plus, he gets his fingers stuck in it, which amuses him to no end.

We have our old table still in the apartment, next to the chair. There was enough room for it, and we just couldn't figure out what else to do with it. There are still piles of boxes behind the chair, which makes a small fort for him under the table. He likes to go into his fortress of solitude and play, or eat the carpet lint I haven't managed to get out of his mouth yet. I think it's kind of cool.

I will update again soon, as there is much more to tell. Hopefully the next time we move we will be moving into our own house. Hopefully it'll be in better repair than this apartment. While it IS updated, a lot of things keep going wrong. Toilet seats keep coming off, water pressure is unreliable, things keep falling off the sink and the door. Other than having the repair man in all the time, this is a great place.
(now if only there would be less spiders)

Until I next update, be well.
Autumn

1 year 1 week, 4 days

2006-05-29T14:06:00.000-04:00

We are still frantically packing to move to the new apartment on this coming Friday, so this will be a short update. I had a picture of Griffin "helping" us use the bubble wrap, but it seems to have evaporated. This is a picture of Griffin and one of his insanely cute cousins, on Griffin's birthday. We're dismantling my computer, and then I will have no internet connection until June 19th or so (because Verizon is terminally slow and unhelpful), so this won't be updated until then.

Griffin is trying to walk. He's not sure he can do it, so he stands, hesitating, and then just sits and crawls. He DOES walk with one hand lightly touching surfaces, so I know if he screwed his courage together, he could make it!

Soon, we all go swimming. Soon, meaning after the move. The pool is open, and it's finally warm enough. I can't wait to see his second reaction to the pool. He won't remember it, but we tried to make him get in the pool long, long ago. That did not go over so well. But now that he's not afraid of water (except the shower and sometimes the sink), it should go better. We hope, anyhow. :)

He's finally moving almost exclusively to solids, and he can drink milk! He seems to seriously dig milk, but now he's suddenly become picky about what he wants to eat, which is sad. He also throws fits and wants to eat my food, and wants to feed himself. The feeding himself thing is awesome.. not so much wanting my food.

So, now I say farewell until the 19th, or whenever Verizon decides to have their heads removed from their posteriors and realize that I'm only moving around the corner in the same apartment complex, and I don't need them to test to see if I can get DSL there. I'm sure that two weeks will bring up a lot of things, and the next update will be full of news!

Be well,
Autumn

1 YEAR OLD (and 1 day)

2006-05-19T19:08:00.000-04:00

He is one year old. His grandparents on my side came from their homes to see us, and my sister flew in as well. My other sister was not feeling well (due to surgery), so was unable to come. My brother and sister in law came with my nephews later in the day.

The day was pretty mellow, with hanging out, and various shopping excursions. We had sandwhiches, then cake. Griffin was getting really overwhelmed at this point, but he really enjoyed playing with his piece of cake. He didn't get it on the wall, for which I am eternally grateful. It did get on his head, behind his ears, on his eyebrows, eyelashes, and up his nose. Some got in his mouth too, and he seemed to seriously dig that. We all made a big deal of the cake, and he seemed the happiest he'd been all night, while at the same time being incredibly wired. I think all the people, attention and sugar took its toll on him then. Present opening was just for the adults, as he worked himself into a state.

Then, everyone was gone. Everyone went home, and life went on as usual. It was jarring, and once again I am reminded that life isn't a movie. His birthday party doesn't end with credits and a sappy song. You get up the next morning, he needs changing, the laundry needs to get done, life just.. goes on. For the first time in longer than I care to remember, that doesn't depress me. Sure, if I'm tired I still wish I could keep sleeping, but I don't feel as if I am being ground between the wheels of life anymore. Incredibly, strangely, awesomely, I am enjoying my life.

Being one year since he was lifted from my womb by the nice gentlemen at Children's Hospital, I am of course prompted to remember that experience. [Long Pause] Now that that is over, let me move on to the next year's worth of hopes and dreams. As we move to the new apartment, we all take the first step in a long journey.

Roads go ever ever on,
Over rock and under tree,
By caves where never sun has shone,
By streams that never find the sea:
Over snow by winter sown,
And through the merry flowers of June,
Over grass and over stone,
And under mountains in the moon.

Be well,
Autumn

11 months, 4 weeks

2006-05-16T22:55:00.000-04:00

He's going to be 1 year old in a few days.WOW.

Wow.

Looking at all his old pictures and some clothing, and even a diaper that was left over from when he first came home, I am boggled that he was ever so incredibly tiny. I used to be able to cradle him with one arm to breastfeed.

Thursday, we all sing happy birthday, and give him pressies. Yay!

Real updates will continue later on, sorry for the weird times, and short stuff. After his party, though, definately an update.

11 months, 8 days away from his birthday

2006-05-10T00:07:00.000-04:00

Parenting is hard! I don't think any book can really spell it out for you. Not the worry, not the nail biting, or the bone tired fears at midnight. No book can really prepare you for wondering if your choice of food in a jar is going to send him on the right kinds of path in life. Or prepare you for the wracking guilt when you yell at him in a moment of pure 'end of your rope'-ness.

It certainly is odd, parenting. I never thought I would be so happy to see someone who hits me in the face, grabs my glasses, and has me running ragged after him. Morning, I love seeing the little guy. Even if I'm exhausted, or he's being particularly butt-like. I never stop getting a little leap of joy when he reaches for me to give me a hug, or because he just.. wants me.

I used to be desperate for some way to amuse myself, but now I can play with Griffin all day, or watch him play by himself. While I do it, I get the sense that this is something I need to soak up, because it'll be gone faster than I can blink. So I do.

We went to the Zoo! Griffin was the happiest I have *ever* seen him. His father took him around the zoo on his shoulders, and he got to see all kinds of animals. His mother sat on a bench, mostly, because people stole the zoo's wheelchairs and she had to go by crutch.

I must go now, to sleep. Tomorrow is another day with the little man, and I want to be able to think straight. Have a good sleep, everyone.

Soon, he will be one year old!

Wow.
Autumn

11 months, 3 weeks, 6 days

2006-05-02T08:12:00.001-04:00

Apologies for this post being late. They will be, for a while, as we pack and our schedules get interrupted.

Griffin keeps trying to eat the cardboard boxes that are piled up everyplace. At least he hasn't tried to climb them yet (and I do say yet).

He is smart and not easily dissuaded. I can't just take something away from him and hide it, because he watches me and goes after it. He also has suddenly shown acute knowledge of which direction an out of sight parent is. This past weekend, Eric let me sleep in (which was very very nice of him!), and after I'd awoken, I was laying in bed contemplating waking up. I heard something that sounded like "mom!" and the baby started banging on our bedroom door, trying to get in. When Eric leaves the room, the baby will notice he's gone, and go in the right direction for him, looking around everyplace. The stubbornness thing is showing up too. Just like his father and his uncle, he will not be discouraged out of doing something once he's set his mind to it! I have had more tantrums from me taking away a pencil he's accidentally gotten ahold of, or stopping him from eating computer wires than anything else, and I have to keep stopping him 5, 6, 9 times before something else distracts him.

Luckily, the word "No" actually works most of the time. I try not to overuse it, because I don't want him to ignore it. Eric and I have both come upon a tone that really seems to convey the fact that we aren't kidding around. Sadly, it makes him cry. At least he isn't eating cardboard boxes, though.

He will sometimes let go of what he's holding onto, and stand for a few seconds. Usually, he's standing on his tip-toes, so he'll fall on his butt quickly. Sometimes, he realizes what he's doing, flails his arms, and falls on his butt. Luckily, that stubborn bit I was talking about earlier makes him get right back up. I saw a lot of that doggedness when he was learning to pull himself up in the first place.

The words he's using have seemed to cement themselves. The "mama" or "Mahm" noises tend to mean me. "Dada" tends to mean Eric, and "bah bah bah" means food. He also still uses "nah nah nah" for no, but now it's accompanied by a vigorous head shaking, too. He also still shakes his head while dancing, but now it's got an added shifting foot to foot element to it if he's standing.

I can't wait till we've moved. I can make his room his own.

11 Months, 6 days

2006-04-24T22:04:00.000-04:00

One of my favourite movies is Parenthood, I know I've mentioned it before. I could watch it over and over again. It makes me feel comfortable and secure somehow. Now that I'm a parent, I have a different relationship with it than I did before. It makes me feel better, for one thing. It reminds me that sometimes I worry way too much, and that at least Griffin isn't going to be Larry.

Griffin surely does have something happening inside that little brain of his. He's got a personality, growing by the day. He's taken to bobbing his head around while grinning or giggling. Usually he does it to music, or when we're singing, but sometimes he just does it.. maybe to his own inner tune. We'll bob along with him, which urges him to do it more. I've never had more fun with him.

He likes to climb, to investigate, to crawl, to learn.Everything about this excites me. We brought him outside, and he experienced grass again.. though I know he doesn't remember when he last sat on grass (when he was a few months old). He was alternately fascinated and scared by it. He crawled around in a circle, and then started to cry. Eric cuddled him, and played with him. He got SO incredibly dirty.

He is still sick, the poor little boy. I hate hearing him cough, and having him be so unhappy. I suspect he might have an ear infection, but it's hard to tell, because he is certainly teething, too. The ear pulling could be either.

His toes are extremely cute. Wee little toes and this HUGE big toe. I could play with them forever, except he gets kind of annoyed after a while. He needs new socks.

Time to go!
Be well,
Autumn

10 months, 4 weeks, 2 days

2006-04-17T10:37:00.000-04:00

Every day creeps us a little closer to the end of infancy and toward toddler-hood. It's a little sad, but in many ways a relief. I'm excited by growth, his learning things. Eric was talking about babies and learning the other day, and said something that I hadn't really thought about before. It's remarkable, what babies learn in such a short time. In some ways it's incredibly daunting, thinking of what he has to learn... everything. What a room is, that he has fingers, what sound is. Differentiating noises, and pictures, and learning to make sense out of it. His relationship with us must come out of being the only constant people in a confusion of sound and noise.

In June, we're moving to a new apartment in the same complex. There might be some jumble of this blog, while we do so. I'm very excited about the move, as it will be a larger place. Not too much larger, but it will have an extra bathroom, and a built in computer desk so we can give the second bedroom to Griffin entirely, without our stuff in it. He can play with almost everything in it, excepting the lamps, and stuff like that. I wish we could paint that room, but we'll decorate it as best we can. I think he'll be happy to have a room that's not full of things he can't touch.

When he was a small baby, he never had diaper rashes. Now he has more than his poor little share. Part of it might be some food he had, though. He also has a cold that he's been fighting and isn't winning against. I don't think there's baby cough medicine, but I'll look for some, cause I just want him to be able to breathe, poor little man.

Every day he becomes more of his own person. From time to time I feel like I'm walking on the edge of a precipice, fearing that a misstep on my part will do damage to his wee psyche. I can certainly understand people who find it hard to discipline their children. Crying is heartbreaking.

Though, not always. Griffin had a huge tantrum the other day because .. I'm not sure why. Likely because we wouldn't let him explore the funny little holes on the back of the laptop with his fingers (slick with teething drool). The tantrum, though, was amusing as hell. Eric and I just started to laugh, and the more he flung himself around yelling, the funnier it was. Maybe part of it was the scale; such massive crying over something like that. Do all parents go around in constant amusement? The whole world is ending because I can't stick my finger in the socket! My parents won't let me eat this, woe! Woe and destruction! Anyway, I think the laughter was discouraging to him, he sat up and started playing with a toy. Crying the whole time, mind you, just to continue to lodge his complaint.

I apologize for the length and quality of these updates lately. I just don't have the time, due to hectic schedules and clingy baby, to do a post all in one go, and if I do it in parts I lose my thread.

One more thing to add. Griffin is mesmerized by music, but held in complete thrall by music videos. He'll stand stock still, forgetting everything else, watching the screen. It's the same for my music player on the computer, which can generate a screen of random colours and lines to go with the song currently playing. I hope that he gets a xylophone for his birthday, as much as I dread the sounds he will produce with it, I think he'll be extremely happy.

Now I must go, as Eric has caught the house bug, and is alone with an extremely drippy congested baby. Be well, everyone.

Autumn
PS: Thank you for reading this blog, especially to the Neary's, who have been ever kind and generous to me and my baby.

2006-04-09T23:32:00.000-04:00

I'm having a hard time uploading pictures, so apologies. Griffin is developing so quickly. He's begun to drag toys around with him, which is new. He's also taken to saying "Na na na na" when he's upset, or doesn't like something. I think it's kind of cool. Eric's mom is visiting this week, and it's great, too.
I'm sorry for the short blog this week, I'm in a lot of pain so I can't think too clearly.

10 months, 2 weeks, 1 day

2006-04-02T16:48:00.000-04:00

This is Griffin and his aunt Amber, a little while ago. Today has been an evenful one, as the adults get sick. Poor Griffin found himself with no daddy and half a mom. I hope that tomorrow will be a better day for all of us.

You know that thing, where you take your finger, and flick it across your two lips, making a "buh buh buh" sound? He does that to himself using two of his fingers, but he also does it to us. Eric started it by humming, and Griffin grabbed at his lips, causing Eric to go "buh buh buh". It's actually pretty fun, if he doesn't have long, clawlike fingernails. He lets us do it to him, too.

We still await a bigger apartment. There are only so many of them in the complex, and we're waiting impatiently for one with a woods view. There is one we could have right now, but it's got a parking lot on both sides; not exactly the ideal spot. I can't wait for the larger apartment, because then we can give Griffin his own room. I'd love to decorate his own room, put all his toys in there, make it a completely ok place to play. Right now, we're forever telling him "no", with the computer room, and it's entirely too crowded for all of us in there.

Griffin is getting more into chewing things. The little cracker-cookie things we got him that were formerly something he'd make a face at and ignore, are now his favourite. He picks them up and chews them thoughtfully before they dissolve. He's also figured out that he can smash them into dust with other objects. Yay!

We're not going to be able to go to my father's house for the Fourth of July this year, which is sad. I really want everyone to see how big he's become in person! Of course, I fear the tick situation where my father is. Speaking of summer! We're making plans to bring the little guy into the pool with us, and I can't wait. I can't wait for him to crawl around in the grass, either, or play more in a playground.

Now, I am crashing a little.
Be well,
Autumn

10 months, 1 week, 2 days

2006-03-27T10:04:00.000-05:00

This is a kind of creepy. In reality, the Teletubbies are looking at a screen in "La la"'s tummy. But it does look like they're telling him to do arcane things, through the tv. He loves this show, and I'm very happy to oblige him. It gives me a half hour of peace to do things like .. type on a blog!

Two of the four upper teeth have broken through the gum barrier, and so he's experiencing what Jeff Vogel calls "Reverse teething", where he's unexpectedly cool, and fun to be around.. giggling and playing. He's learned to make new sounds with his tongue, using the two front teeth on the bottom, which sound a little like yodeling mixed with the "TH" sound, and is a lot of fun to watch.

We brought him to the park the other day, and put him in the toddler swings for the first time. It was a little colder than we thought, so we didn't stay too long, but he had a great time. We also helped him down the slide, too. I can't wait until it's warm, so he can play even more!!Well, warm, and NOT wet.

That night while we were at dinner, I was showing him one of his books. I asked him to say "doggie", while he was admiring the picture of a dog. He looked at me, and then said it! Not with a grownup's pronunciation, but he said it!:)
He just seems to be developing more and more each day. I'm not sure I can keep up with his curiosity!
-Autumn

magical dissapearing blog

2006-03-26T18:12:00.000-05:00

I posted, and the blog dissapeared. I'm too depressed to fix it right now. I might later on tonight. Here's a picture in the meantime.

10 months, 1 day

2006-03-19T23:11:00.000-05:00

Griffin's teeth are driving him insane. He wakes up in the middle of the night, and spends the day crying. I will be so happy to get my little guy back, I hate to see him so miserable. When he has moments of enjoying himself, he is an absolute blast. He loves to crawl around, and explore. He loves to stand up and grab at interesting things, especially things that are shiny. My cellphone and the remote are never safe! I enjoy watching him laugh.

My own emotions are all over the map. I feel weaning looming on the horizon, and I can't bear it. I miss the times when he would breastfeed for sustenance the way I would miss a part of my own body. I cry a lot, and I feel lost.. as if my most important mothering asset is about to be removed. Eric has had it good in that way, for without the breast to do his work for him, he's had to develop skills. For the longest time it was easy just to put him on the breast, and he would be comforted. It doesn't work now.

It still works for getting him to nap. I can't get him to nap any other way, yet, so it is still the primary source for that. I really treasure each nap the way I never did before, as times we still have together. Soon, he'll figure out how to sleep on his own, and breastfeeding will go the way of the dodo.

I don't think I'm going to have any more children. Not because I don't want to, but because Eric doesn't. I am aching for another baby in a purely emotional/homornal way. I know in my mind that it would be completely impossible for me to care for them both right now, but it doesn't stop the feelings I have. I do think that by the time I'll be able to care for them both that I'll be at a signifigant risk for problems with the baby, so I shouldn't do it. I guess I really wanted at least two. I know that I love having sisters, and I would want the same thing for him. Sometimes, though, I think that the only reason I want another one is so that I can breastfeed again, and hold a tiny baby to my chest again.

I've completely lost perspective.

Griffin crawls after me when I go down a hall, so I've made a game of it. I get him to follow me into the room I want to be in, saving my knee pain, and giving him fun and excersize. He giggles hysterically when we play this game together, which is much better than when he follows me as I head into the bathroom, with him crying the whole way. His crying during that has this painful "mommy, I'm lost and alone" quality to it that really just pierces me and makes me feel guilty for having bodily functions! It's part of his new clingyness, which I hope is brought on by teething. I think it is,because there are definately times when he wants to play by himself with his toys (as long as I'm in the room), and he's still very game to meet new people.

Four teeth coming in. I am so proud of him, though he had no say in it. His hair is blonde, but sometimes it looks red. His eyes are a bright shiny marble blue. He has the cutest chin and cheeks. His laughter fills me.

Yes, I'm a sap, and I'm vaguely sorry for it. I am cynical otherwise, really. I question everything, I try not to fall for the same bullshit that so many people I love do. I know that I've taken on a thankless major job that I'm not at all qualified for, and that has major consequences if I fail. It has no down time, and it's high stress. I mean, if you were working a job like that, you'd quit, wouldn't you? Still, though, I am a sap. I fall for the fluffy gooey lovey crap. I can't get enough of him. I want to introduce him to everything, and I adore spending time with him. The person I am supposed to be isn't like this. I'm supposed to be a child of my age, into the depressing and ironic. I'm a geek with all the dark comics, books and movies of the 90's behind me. I'm supposed to sneer at cute, turn up my nose at adorable, and definately NOT snuggle.

I've completely lost perspective.

I adore the movie "Parenthood". Something stuck with me, and has been germinating in my head for a while. One of the characters is talking about how other women view her. She says that she's good at being a stay at home mom, and she likes doing it. She complains because to the other women she isn't being 'all she can be', by having a career and also the kids. She is defensive because she isn't sitting around on her ass doing nothing, she's working hard,and what's more, she loves it. I want to be like her. I think, if I was at full capacity, I could do it too. I even find myself wanting to do it. It cuts across my grain; as a child of the 80's, I'm supposed to want kids and a power job with shoulder pads too.

I've completely lost my perspective.

Maybe that's not so bad.

-Autumn

2006-03-12T12:44:00.000-05:00

This isn't Eric feeding him a nacho, it's Griffin trying to eat Eric's nacho. We did give the boy a taste of the cheez, and that was the end of it. Like I said, Griffin is incredibly tenacious. When he gets something in his head, he doesn't let go of it easily.

There are at least two more teeth coming in. I think though, that there might be four. There's always a white bump just before they start to really show, and two other places have the white bump.

We started him on chunky food. He's not quite sure what to make of it yet.
I am exhausted, so I will do a more comprehensive post later. Thanks for understanding.:)
Autumn

9 months, 2 weeks, 2 days

2006-03-06T19:21:00.000-05:00

Ok, I lied, this update is on Monday instead. Griffin had learned how to crawl on hands and knees, and not just drag himself along by his arms. He doesn't do it all the time, but he is rapidly moving towards such a day.

We bought Griffin some little cookie things that melt in your mouth. They have a concentrated banana smell, but not so much on taste. He's not sure about them yet.

I had a bad dream about death. In it, I was dying, and was saying goodbye to Griffin, and writing a letter for his later self. It was sad, and it's still with me. It got me to thinking about how to express my love for this little whiny bundle of joy. When I was pregnant, I heard a lot of things that I thought were platitudes, but now I discover the truth in them. My perspective has changed completely, and he is the best thing I've done.

I don't like change. I fight against it tooth and nail, which makes my life quite a bit harder. I wanted Griffin, but I also really wanted to hide when we brought him home. I still want to hide sometimes, because I see all my flaws reflected in him. I can't be complacent, I can't procrastinate on some things, I have to get up and clean the house, clean the dishes, do the laundry. I find myself a stranger in my own head, as if cobwebs have been cleaned out and I can't remember what it looked like without the clutter.

Rather.. it's like the movie Conan the Barbarian. In this one part, Conan comes into a long forgotten tomb, and there's the body of this king sitting in a throne, covered over with webs. I think a part of me felt like that. Dusty, cobwebbed into my chair, forgotten, lost. Griffin is just bringing a spring cleaning with him. Sunshine, laughter.

It's not all like that, of course. He whines, and cries, and vomits, and tries to eat every book we own. He's broken my glasses, scratched my face, pulled my hair, and made me cry so hard I thought I'd never stop. I just don't see those things as the defining things.

Anyway, good night.
Autumn

9 months, 1 week, 5 days

2006-03-02T11:18:00.000-05:00

Griffin's standing has become the only thing he wants to do. All his energy is focussed on standing, moving from place to place, and eating our laptop. He wants to eat that pretty silvery shiny thing very badly. That, and bang on the top of it very hard with his bottle! Much of our day is taken up with playing "keep away", which includes the laptop, electrical cords, and my cellphone.

He has also re-discovered music. I was watching South Pacific the other day, and he stopped what he was doing, and stood transfixed. Against my better judgement, I want to get him a xylophone, or some other percussion instrument. I think he can handle things that he bangs on to make pretty sounds.

The screaming himself to sleep thing is working very well. He sleeps deeper, not waking up in trhe middle of the night but once since we've tried it, and even then we let him get back to sleep on his own. I think if I could get the bedroom to be darker during the day I could get him to do it for a nap, too. I think I just need really dark curtains in here. Which would help at night, too. His window faces the parking lot, and the lights are very bright at night.

We hope to move to a lower apartment in the same complex. There are some rennovated ones that will help us get our computers out of his room. Then we can decorate it!! Our quest for a house is now officially stopped. We don't have the money to do it. Living in the apartment will be crowded, but we're going to do it until he's school aged, and then move to a house (we hope), in the school district we want. It will give us 6 years to save.. so we hope we can manage it.

I will update on Sunday again.. sorry for the schedule being off.

-Autumn

9 months, 1 week, 1 day.

2006-02-26T07:48:00.000-05:00

Griffin is doing well with crying himself to sleep. It's still hard to hear him in his room weeping and not run in to cuddle him, but the benefits far outweigh the momentary feeling. I've discovered that I really like sleep, and that I really adore Griffin when he's not exhausted and out of sorts. My relationship with Eric has improved too.

Griffin wants to do almost nothing else but stand up, so he spends a good deal of time in the crib in the morning, walking back and forth.

No, not walking.. just travelling. He hasn't quite got the balance to walk, so he travels, using the side of the crib as a balance from one side to the other.

Last night our little trio was coming home from our weekly game. It was late, and it had started to seriously snow. Big, fat crystalline flakes fell, and the air was super quiet. Walking from the car to the apartment, Griffin seemed in awe by it. We let him touch it, and he wasn't sure quite what to make of it. He'd seen snowfall when he was still very small, but I don't think he remembered it. And it had never been like this.

We've started him on meat. They make baby food meat combinations that don't smell like catfood, like chicken and apples.. or ham and pineapple. So far, he's liked them. I wish he had top teeth so he could chew things like crackers, without fear of big chunks. He still loves to chew on celery though. We recently got wings with friends of mine who came up for my birthday, and Griffin decimated a celery stick. I think he loves it because it makes a satisfying crunching noise when he chews, and also because it's juicy. We take it away from him when its structural integrity is not so hot.

Now I must go, as he is trying to knock over his dirty laundry bin.

Be well,
Autumn

9 months, 3 days.

2006-02-21T22:47:00.000-05:00

Last night we decided to let him cry himself to sleep. He did, and then he slept for 12 hours. It was the most sleep he's gotten in a very long time. He didn't even wake up in the middle of the night. Tonight he cried for less time. I hope he sleeps all the way through again. It was also the most sleep both of us have gotten in a long time as well. Today we were all in a much better mood.

Just in time for his Polio shot this afternoon. Griffin weighed in at 23 pounds 8 oz, and is 30 inches (2 1/2 feet). The pediatric nurse practitioner said he looked great, and seemed very enthusiastic about us as parents. She did say we should give him rice cereal for iron, but he's getting iron in his formula, from me, and from some food he eats. He hates rice cereal, I'm not going to force him to eat it. She also said that we should give him some meat, so we're going to check out some of the level 2 meats.. stuff like ham and pineapple, etc. The level 1 meats smelled like cat food.. let's hope the level 2 is okay, so we don't have to puree our own chicken! She also cautioned against giving him finger food that was going to dissolve into big chunks and choke him; crackers, cereal, bread. This makes sense, especially since he has only 2 teeth, and can't really chew food. One other thing she did which shocked me was pull back his foreskin. I didn't know it was able to be pulled back yet, and nearly shot out of my chair. I practiced a bit with that at home afterwards.. it was weird. I mean, I know I clean him up every day, but somehow that was extra intimate, like an invasion. I looked down, and he was just looking up at me as if he hadn't noticed.

Next appointment is after his birthday, where he gets several shots, and a blood draw. Poor little weiner.

The affirmation was good for us. He's developing well, he's a beautiful, smart, happy child. Sometimes it takes other people to shine the light on what is right in front of you. Not that I didn't know that Griffin was amazing, I didn't realize that I was a good parent.

Be well,
Autumn

9 months 2 days

2006-02-20T07:57:00.000-05:00

Griffin continues to keep us both awake so long that neither of us can really function well.

Aside from this, he has learned how to stand from a lying down position. He will take our hands, get to his knees, then one by one, get to his feet. He can also stand up using the side railings of the crib. We have lowered the mattress so that he doesn't go tumbling out of the crib!

He likes to stand at one end of the crib, where the sliding mirror doors to the closet are, and look into it. He ends up hitting the door over and over again with a great look of glee.

He goes in for his 9 month check up and shots tomorrow, so there will be an update with his length and weight afterwards.

-Autumn

8 months, 3 weeks, 5 days

2006-02-13T01:19:00.000-05:00

Griffin has taken to waking up in the middle of the night, and staying awake so long that I get about 4 to 5 hours of sleep a night, sometimes less. I can't think straight, I can't see straight. I'm exhausted all the time, and all the fun has been leached out of my relationship with my son.

The reasons aren't clear. I suspect it might be teething. He also has this random limb jerking 'thing' that he does that sometimes wakes him up.
He's tired a lot, too. He's also become very clingy, not wanting us to put him down. If someone is on the floor with him while he plays, he is a happy child. Otherwise he cries until he can have very close interactions with someone.

The final straw is the biting. While he breast feeds, if he's unhappy, bored, or just has some hurting teeth, he will bite me. Hard. He does it to the bottle, too.

So, in general, these past two weeks have been a circle of hell for me. Eric gets a little of it too, but usually he isn't the one waking up with Griffin at night, so he gets more sleep. I don't usually begrudge him the sleep, after all he is the one going to work. We all have our jobs here. I just hope mine gets better soon, or I might just lose my mind.

Wishing you all good sleep.
Autumn

8 months 3 weeks

2006-02-08T22:47:00.000-05:00

Bathing Griffin is a lot of fun. He's grown past gripping the sides of the tub in abject fear, though he is still afraid of the sound of running water. I'm not quite sure why, but he is generally afraid of loud sounds, especially yelling. This applies to pretend yelling too, such as when Eric is blowing off steam and yelling at an inanimate object while laughing. Tonight we had to comfort a frightened Griffin who was crying in fear while his father wrestled with the keyboard drawer on his desk, shouting the whole time.

But, the bath. He likes the yellow ducks, and he has a few of them. We got a momma and duck and babies, a duck that tells if the water is too hot, and a duck from a pharmacy. The one that floats the best is the one that tells if the water is too hot. The rest have a tendancy to flip upside down. He enjoys chewing on it.

Besides the duck, he likes looking at himself in the mirror, and has just begun to understand that when he hits the water, it splashes! This is a lot of fun.

I can't wait until he's past eating everything, and when he takes baths in the actual tub. I want to buy him bath crayons!!

Goodnight.
-Autumn

2006-02-07T10:19:00.000-05:00

I'm really sick, so an update will come later.

8 months 1 week, 5 days

2006-01-30T19:20:00.000-05:00

Griffin has another tooth coming in. It is keeping everyone up at night. He will go to bed, then wake up many times during the night. About 12am, he sleeps the longest (until 7!). Soon he will have two teeth on the bottom, and none on the top. A friend has nicknamed him "Fang".

He is also becoming more mobile, dragging himself where he wants to go, and spinning himself in place to face the direction he wants. He has become more clingy, and he will pull himself across the floor to grab a hold of my pant leg and cry to be picked up.

This new communication, holding up his arms to be picked up and crying, is new. It started all at once while we were all out at lunch. Griffin was sitting in the restaurant's high chair, looking up at me, and just lifted his arms. I love the new communication.

I need more books! He loves Green Eggs and Hama lot, but we need more! He tries to get the pictures off the pages, and chews on the cover. He also really seems to listen when I read. Next time we can, I want to go shopping for more Suess books.. and others!

Now it's his bed time. It was to be bath time, but it seems that's not to be tonight. I apologize for the shortness of this post, I promise a larger one next week.
Love,
Autumn

8 Months, 4 days

2006-01-22T10:10:00.000-05:00

He sure loves The Muppet show.

I was having my finger chewed on the other day, and suddenly realized that his gum was a little sharp. Lo and behold, a tooth is coming out! I will try to get a picture, but he's very shy about it. In order to see it I have to get very close and make him laugh, and know where I'm looking. Every time we try to just take a look at it, he sticks out his tongue, and pokes it at our fingers. He rubs it on hard toys, and is generally irritable about it, in a very cute way.

His Aunt Willow visited these last few days. He loves her, giggling and playing with her. I enjoyed having her here, I miss her a lot. While I write this, she sleeps on our couch, but she leaves today. :( I know Griffin isn't the only one who will be sad.

On MLK day, Eric had the day off. So he, Griffin, and I went to the science museum here in Buffalo. It was founded in the 1930's, and still has many of the same exhibits. Sadly, a lack of funding has reduced it from the very interesting museum it was, to a relic holding on by its teeth waiting for better days. Even so it was still fun, and Griffin got to see shells, stuffed lions, half an Egyptian exhibit, and some very shiny gems. In the shiny gem room, he discovered that since the room is marble, his voice echoes nicely when he screams. Griffin has developed a raptor like shriek, which isn't to indicate unhappyness, but just to play with sound. This echoed very nicely in the marble room, he discovered.

He can pull himself to a standing position if we give him our hands. I found him practicing it with the side of his crib. He hasn't quite gotten the hang of that yet, but I fear we will have to lower the mattress soon. His crawling practice has gotten quite good, and he will occasionally scoot his knees forwards while he's rocking back and forth. He's learning about this crawling business quite quickly!

Ta for now,
Autumn

7 months, 4 weeks, 1 day

2006-01-16T22:28:00.000-05:00

Late again, I apologize.

From time to time I have had cause to pause, and look at my son in absolute wonder. The strangest of these came this weekend. We go to a house that belongs to two friends of ours every weekend. Griffin was set up in their bedroom in his portable crib, and when Eric brought him down at the end of the night I felt an almost physical shock, looking at him. At that moment, I saw him as he was, growing, learning; becoming. He is his own person now, and although we will direct his growth, he is himself. Our little Griffin, bonsai son.

He plays. He has not always played, and I fear I would have missed it if not for Eric's insistance on trying to put him on the rug to practice crawling. As I have said, he hated it, and I lost patience with it. One day, though, he simply played with the toys around him. He picks up the toys, pulls, chews, flails, throws them all. He enjoys himself, without constant parental stimulation. Then one day, he rolled. I am sure it was by mistake, but he did it, and then he continued to do it. He can sit upright, he can roll where he wants to go. He gets on his knees, he rocks back and forth, but he hasn't made the next step into crawling. My eyes are on him constantly, because I know he will do it, by accident.

He plays. It is my joy every day to watch him as he plays. I prod toys back into his play area, and I make sure that he's penned off from places we really would rather he not go, and to remove the laptop cord from eager hands.

Can it be possible that I bore him? That once he was not existant, that there was a time when I did not know him? Can it be real, conception? I can't wrap my head around it, that once he was inside me, that my blood pumped through him. I try to understand it, I read again how the egg drops, the sperm fertilizes, the baby grows. I look at his picture, the beautiful ultrasound, I try to remember how he would kick me, and his constant hiccups. I look at his little melon-head, his huge big toes, his ocean-dark eyes. I believe in miracles, he has saved me.

He plays! Give me strength, he plays. One day, he will understand the words that I read to him. We read Green Eggs and Hamtogether, we read Where the Wild Things Are, we read the little soft books about animals his grandmother sent. He scratches at the pages, he grabs the book. He giggles when he watches me as I read. I sit him in my lap, and talk to him face to face, and that makes him laugh too.

His hair has changed colour. He has quite a bit of very light blonde hair. It actually reminds me of my father's hair a little. I love to rub his fuzzy little head.

I say that I "can't wait" for things. I "can't wait" for him to read, to play board games, to play D&D with. It isn't true, I can wait. I already miss so much about how he used to be. This balancing act between joy of the moment, mourning the past, and the promise of the future can be exhausting, and exhilirating.

Love,
Autumn

7 months, 3 weeks.

2006-01-08T08:55:00.000-05:00

It feels like it's been forever since I posted. I will list Griffin's achievements in life so far:

Sit in an upright position without aid.
Roll around to go where he wants to.
Reach for what he wants.
Drink from a glass. Not only drink from a glass, but recognize that we are drinking from a glass, and want our beverage.
He recognizes grape juice when he sees it, and reaches for it.
Hold his bottle (though he is usually content to let us do that for him).
Recognizes that food comes in a spoon, and tries to feed himself, occasionally grabbing at it when it comes to his mouth, and trying to do it himself.
Recognize his name.
Babble baby talk. Sometimes it sounds like words, but they haven't been repeatable.
Grab his feet. He doesn't seem to remember that he doesn't like the taste of his own toes.
Worship the ceiling fan.
Dig himself under the bumper to view the world.
Take off his diaper.

He now has a lot of hair, but it's very fine, and very light coloured, so it doesn't seem as if he has a lot until you get very close to his head. The little beard-shaped 'V' of hair in the back of his head has changed colour to match mostly with the rest of his hair, which makes me slightly sad. I'm someone who really does not like change, and he changes so fast that sometimes it's hard to see. I catch myself crying over a baby outfit that he wore when he was smaller, or a picture of him when he was incredibly small.

There's this teething ring that Eric bought for him. It's now Griffin's favourite thing. You'll see it featured in some of the Christmas pictures; it's a rainbow of hard beads on a string. Some kids have a teddy bear, he has this string of beads. It goes everywhere with him. He grabs it when we lift him out of his crib, and gets upset when he doesn't have it, or he's dropped it and can't get it back. He has taken to cuddling some of the stuffed animals he owns once and a while, which is incredibly cute. His three favourites are the tiger that our friend Rob gave him, a red dog that my aunt Julie gave him, and Eric's old stuffed monkey that he had as a child. The monkey is his favourite of all.

Griffin loves car rides. He sits and stares out the window, completely fascinated with the world. He also loves to get out of the house and go places, especially new ones. Sometimes when he's extremely grumpy, going outside will make him instantly a different Griffin. I suppose I can understand that. He wants to see different things, meet people. He'll be wanting to borrow the car, next.
-Autumn

7 months, 2 weeks, 1 day; Happy New Year!!

2006-01-02T09:19:00.000-05:00

Griffin watched the ball drop with us. Our New Years have been very uneventful for a little while, but this year, we had plans with friends and Griffin. So, when the ball began to drop, we all turned on the television, and Griffin woke up from the activity. We watched the ball drop, I kissed his fuzzy little head, and then my husband.
Griffin looks like he might crawl soon. He clearly wants to crawl, but isn't quite to the point of understanding what to do with his limbs once he's on his hands and knees. He is making quite a bit of progress towards it, though. I've been noticing lately that when there's a toy that he wants, he will actually make an effort to get it, which is new.

During our new years eve visit to our friends' house, we had his portable crib set up in their living room. The 'mattress' is a little hammock like; a pad on a mesh net that attaches to the sides. It swings a little. We put Griffin on it, to practice sitting up, but it was too unstable. It would swing, and he would get panicky, and cry. I put the Boppy behind him and it stabilized him enough so he wouldn't fall over. Then he realized that he could make the mattress swing on purpose, and spent a while moving his hips and swinging the hammock. It was fun to watch him figure out his environment and then learn from it right in front of me like that. I see him do it on other occasions too, and it never stops making me proud and fascinating me.

From time to time we'll give him grape juice out of a glass. He sees us drinking from them, and wants what we've got. Plus, he loves grape juice. So we give him just a little from a glass. He is slowly getting down what drinking from a glass entails, though he still tries to lap the liquid, or chew on the side of the glass while he's doing it.

Love to all this new years, and I hope to be writing many many more of these.
-Autumn

Christmas Collage

2005-12-29T11:13:00.000-05:00

Christmas Pictures

Christmas Day (As reported on Dec 27th)

2005-12-27T12:36:00.000-05:00

When I was a kid, Christmas had a lot of rituals. My sisters and I would always bring cookies to various neighbors. Tinsel was always put on the tree on Christmas eve, and there was always a "talent show", where everyone would do something one by one to entertain everyone else. Presents were a drawn out affair, lasting all day as we opened them one by one. My father would come up the driveway with bags of gifts like Santa Claus. There was always a picture of my step father napping. I store these images in a secret niche in my heart, lit by strings of coloured lights. It's always warm there, and I always feel safe. Sadly, our family has scattered apart, and the yearning to go back to that place will never really be satisfied. Nothing can be as it was.

My mother in law said something that stuck with me, though, which I will paraphrase to you here. These are the years, she said, where we establish for Griffin what Christmas will be like forever. The traditions we make as a family are the ones he will remember, and hopefully store in a secret niche in his heart. My wish is that he will feel safe there, too.

Christmas was good. I don't just mean the gifts (which were fabulous, and thank you to everyone). I mean that we were together, we were warm, and we were unharmed. My physical problems were thankfully background this year, instead of the focus. We had each other, and we had good cheer.

Griffin loved the tree. He likes looking at the lights, and the ornaments. He loves ripping paper, and if not for our vigilance, would have eaten a good quantity of it as well. He loved visiting with his cousins, too. Right now, all his explorations involve hitting or eating something, so he was a little frustrated that he wasn't allowed to see how they tasted.

There was a bounty of gifts for him, and I thank you all. The books, toys, stuffed animals, clothing, and videos will all be used, and often.:)

I wish you joy in the new year.
-Autumn

FIller!

2005-12-25T20:32:00.000-05:00

Filler post. I will post a whole blog tomorrow, Dec 26th.

"There are times when love takes over. There are times when all the little demons dissapear down their ratholes, and ugliness itself takes on the shape of beauty; when the darkest corner is touched by light;when the coldest heart feels the glow of warmth;when the trumpet call of goodwill and good cheer drowns out all the Babel of mean little noise. This is such a time. Merry Christmas! Merry, merry, merry!"
-Rex Stout

7 Months!

2005-12-18T17:02:00.000-05:00

We went to get a Christmas tree today. Griffin loved the experience, and was giggling the entire time. Eric put the lights on it, and we turned off the lamp and warched them.They are set to fade in and out. Griffin likes coloured lights. It's hard to get him to sleep sometimes because he focuses on the blinking lights on the modem, my speakers, and the wireless router. He didn't get a long time to take these lights in, but I think they will be a favourite of his.

This is going to be his first Christmas. I'm not sure I can fathom it quite yet. We have so much to do to get ready for the holiday, and it is going so slowly. I don't think I can quite grasp that it's arriving, and quickly. There was a book that I read as a child. In it, there was a place at the end of the world, where the faster you tried to get things done, the less headway you made. It was only when you took the time to see where you were going, and walk at a measured pace that you actually could do anything. I feel as if I'm living in that place on the edge of the world, but I haven't the sense to take it easy.

Griffin loves shiny paper. He hung out with us as we wrapped gifts, and we gave him a very shiny scrap. He stared at it, and then started to crinkle it, and wave it around in the air frantically. Then he decided he has to eat it. Eric grabbed it before consumption, and tried to take it away from Griffin. Griffin hung onto it for dear life, he just had to eat it! He did not get to eat it, but I can see we're going to have lots of fun on Christmas morning with him.

Christmas will come with an update. Everyone drive safely, and stay warm!
-Autumn

6 months, 3 weeks, 2 days

2005-12-11T10:20:00.000-05:00

Griffin has pulled our dinners into family affairs. We sit and all eat together at the table, which isn't something we'd done regularly. I like how close it brings us, we can talk about our day, and get in touch with each other, and Griffin. We feed him his jar food then, too, so he can eat when we eat.

The snow outside makes me incredibly happy for Christmas to come. I can't wait to take Griffin to choose his first tree! I remember when I was a kid, my father and my step-father would go and get the tree together, and I would go sometimes too. I hope one day, Griffin will look back on his childhood and love what happened there, too. I miss Christmas the way it was when I was a kid, and I wish I could have another one like it.

Griffin is getting more sociable. I'm constantly amused to see him interact with people he doesn't see a lot, cause he puts on a totally different face for them. A great example is the other day. He was cranky all day, and when the UPS man knocked on the door, Eric went down to answer it carrying Griffin. Instantly he was giggly and outgoing, smiling and being incredibly cute. Around people that he considers family, though, he can be the crankiest baby in the world.

Teething continues! The new teething ring that Eric bought him works like a charm, though, and has quickly become Griffin's favourite toy. It has plastic oval beads on a rubber ring. Sadly, the beads collect drool inside them, so when he flings the toy around, spit flies through the air, often splattering us.

A friend of mine sent me a lot of baby clothing that she isn't needing any more. I love it all, and there's so much of it! Griffin is going to be warm and well dressed for a long time!

Now it is time to take Griffin to see his cousins, and make Christmas cookies.

Be well,
Autumn

6 months, 2 weeks, 2 days

2005-12-04T13:17:00.000-05:00

We gave him his first bona-fide bath recently. Until then it had been sponge baths and taking him into the shower. He truly hates bathing, and is afraid of the sound of running water. Hopefully, this fear will abate with time. After a while, he stopped crying when he noticed his reflection in the mirror, and the little yellow duck.

Teething has become very tiresome for everyone involved. We've finally found a teething ring that he can both fit in his mouth, and he enjoys using. He drools everywhere, and is very fussy almost all the time. He's unable to nap for long periods, so he's usually tired and fussy about that, too. I am hoping this period in our lives abates rather quickly, for everyone's sanity.

He can sit up by himself for short periods of time, which is cool! He also wants to drink out of our cups. We haven't tried this experiment yet. He has a new carseat, which he's getting used to, but I think he likes, because it puts him up higher, and he can see more. He doesn't know how to fall asleep in it yet, causing much weeping and gnashing of gums.

He has a lot more hair!!!

His grandmother just left, after thanksgiving. I think Griffin was sad. He really enjoyed her visit a lot (as did we, we got to see 2 movies!), and the whole thing was a great success.

I can't wait until Christmas comes, and he can see the lights!

Time to go try to put the little boy to sleep, so we can do some quick errands around the house.

-Autumn

6 months, 1 week, 4 days

2005-11-29T07:59:00.000-05:00

Griffin's first Thanksgiving. It was very cool. We gave him a stick of celery to play with while we cooked. He enjoyed sitting in his high chair, and watching us. He sat with us while we ate, and played with his celery and his plastic toys, and was a good boy. It was an interesting feeling, having him there, having family there. Surreal, and yet one of the most solid and real moments of the past few months.

I apologize that this blog is late, but my mother is here, and I haven't had the chance to really type. As I speak, Griffin is hanging off my arm, trying to type, too!
He has a new carseat, as a gift from my mother and her husband. We haven't gotten the opportunity yet to go anyplace with it, but I hope to change that soon! He also has a walker, which he loves. He can't make it walk, but he loves being upright in a chair, and he loves the toys.
He also clearly wants to try to drink from a cup. He keeps grabbing for ours. I'm thinking maybe we should invest in a sippy cup for him. Sadly, his rapid advance towards being like us as far as eating goes, means he wants to breastfeed less. Life will be full of these small heartbreaks, but they still make me sad.

That is about it from me this week! Stay safe, all.

Who put the overalls in Mrs. Murphy's chowder?

2005-11-24T12:31:00.000-05:00

Every Thanksgiving when I was a kid, I would go to my Grandmother's house. I loved it, the olives and pickles, the turkey, the company. I really liked listening to the adults talking, the cadence of their voices was comforting and familiar, even if I didn't understand the subject matter. Around the table afterwards, they would sing all these songs they grew up with, and I think that was my favourite part of all. It's difficult to say why, but I think it's mostly because of the sense of history and deep family ties, combined with the joy of everyone being together to share the day.
I miss them all today, and I wish I could be with them, but I have my own small family gathering here at home.

The last few weeks I've been thinking of the name of the day. Thanksgiving. I can understand the ritual of eating a lot of food on this day. We at our base, resonate with food the best.. when we were babies, it was our main way of being comforted. It represents stability, home, hearth, family, safety. I have a lot to be thankful for today. My beautiful child, my splendid husband, our home, our extended families. We have enough (and more) to eat and we can feel comfortable that we won't starve the rest of the year. I can think back to years when we were barely scraping by, but we could pause to have this day with each other anyway.

I write this with my child laughing in the background, and think with great fondness of Thanksgivings past and with great joy to ones coming up in the future. I love my family, and hope that they can wrap this day around them like a blanket, to keep themselves warm.

Love always,
Autumn

6 months, 2 days

2005-11-20T09:36:00.000-05:00

Went to the doctor's office on Friday, his 6 month birthday. He is 19 pounds, 4 oz. He is 27 inches long. He got his shots, too, which went well. Staring into Griffin's eyes can really reassure him.. I still felt so sad when he got stuck with the needle, but it wasn't so bad. This is the first time I've gone for the needle sticking! Previously, Eric's taken him, and I've had the time to myself, but I wanted to go this time. They gave him Tylenol before the shot, so this time was mostly painless for us as well.

It was snowing when we went outside to go there. Griffin's first snow! He really seemed to enjoy the white flakes falling on him, and he got cheerful as soon as he hit the cold weather. He has a coat, but it's too big for his current car seat, he looks much like a baby stuffed into a car seat with packing materials. His "grandmoo" (as she wants to be called), is going to get him a new carseat, because he is growing out of the one he has now. The coat will fit in the new seat. Until then, we bundle him up in everything we have, and he seems very comfy.

Juice! He loves apple juice, is indifferent about pear juice. I admit, introducing him to new tastes is a lot of fun, and feeding him in the new high chair is so much better than how we were doing it before. He has taken to grabbing the spoon, and trying to feed himself with it. Also the same with the bottle, holding it, and feeding himself. His frustrations with breast feeding are increasing, and it makes me sad. I think it just is harder than the bottle, and he is being lazy.

Sometimes I worry that the things I say here will be redundant. The weeks are eternities that are over in the blink of an eye. These updates put them into perspective for me. So much happens within those seven days sometimes, it's amazing. Other weeks are a blur of ennui, but punctuated with things that seem new, even though he's been doing it for a long time. His attempts to feed himself, new noises, personality changes.. these are all landmarks for me while I wander about the land of Parenthood.

I do apologize if I tell you the same things, and hope you will accept that to me, they are in a new perspective. My tomorrows creep in a petty pace, but they do it too fast to clock. I cannot write as I want to, nor do any tasks. Every hour seems to have been emptied of minutes, and I turn around and around, dizzied and stunned. I fear when I am done typing this, for him to be able to talk, or to be in school, or perhaps college.

There will be a special Thanksgiving blog.

Be well,
Autumn

5 months 3 weeks 6 days

2005-11-14T19:22:00.000-05:00

I'm always glad to get a picture of Griffin that doesn't require me to do a red eye removal, because you can see how amazing his eyes are. This is he, in the morning, grabbing at my camera. We gave him home-mashed bananas, and home made applesauce, both of which he liked. The applesauce had cinnamon in it as well, and was made of very tart apples, so he got a bit of a difference in taste and texture.

He has been requiring more and more sleep, often getting tired many hours earlier than ever before.. setting himself up on a 12 hour sleep schedule, and then a nap after he wakes up and feeds. This sounds great, but in fact, is quite tiring for me as well, as he gets annoyed if I put him down while he's napping. He wants to nap ON me, and doesn't understand that with my limited mobility, that means I'm confined to a chair. It's okay, but housework gets halted.

Observing him, I've come to realize that he now has moods. When he was very new, he would have modes instead; sleeping or tired, hungry, dirty, fussy (because of the others). He's slowly started to have actual moods, that he's in for his own reasons. Things that might be related to hungry, fussy, dirty, tired.. but also might be something else entirely. I will watch him sit quietly and hang on his father, just contemplating the world. Or he will spend the entire day refusing to sleep and shrieking at the top of his lungs just to hear himself shriek. He experiments with his hands, and pokes at our faces. He looks at individual things and is clearly considering them for what they are. He has an internal dialogue (albeit without a lot of vocabulary) of his own, and the bridge between us is so wide. Sometimes I boggle that we can communicate at all to each other.

Eric can work from home from time to time, and I really love that. Not just because I can see him more often, but because Eric gets to spend more time with Griffin in a state where he isn't tired and wanting to sleep. I marvel at Eric's ability to understand Griffin. They have a bond that I envy, and Eric often points out new behaviour that I just didn't notice. I often imagine them when Griffin is a little older, playing together. Eric has a sense of fun and wonder that so often gets ploughed under by responsibility. I think Griffin keeps us both young.

Griffin was given a fantastic high chair by his grandmother Maryanne. I have a link to a movie of him eating, below. It's a really incredibly slow thing to load.. again, I don't know much about how to streamline that stuff, and my camera is just a regular camera with a movie function. So be patient.:) I'm in this, and I realize I kind of look like a muppet.. please look past that!

Be well, everyone. Love each other.
-Autumn
Movie: Griffin Eats!

5 months, 2 weeks, 6 days

2005-11-07T09:18:00.000-05:00

His little face was all scrunched up, and he was glaring at us. Betrayed! We had betrayed him! After we went through all the stage one vegetables, we decided to try him on chicken. So we opened up the bottle. To me, it smelled a little like cat food. Griffin, seeing the bottle, and the spoon, opened his mouth immediately, expecting good things. Instead, he got pureed chicken.

We only fed him part of a spoonful, before he shut our chicken operation down. To compensate him for everything, we immediately gave him some sweet potatoes.. but we had to convince him we weren't playing some cruel joke on him. Since then, we've given him more bananas, both from the jar, and from a banana itself. Eric was holding Griffin while he was eating a banana, and the baby smelled it, and made it clear to us that it was not Eric's banana, but his. So some was squished up for him. The taste of a fresh banana was interesting, but put him in a fantastic mood.

Eric sometimes puts Griffin on his shoulders, a situation that is just fine with Griffin. He's not quite big enough to hold there for a long time, but Griffin loves it. I forsee many times when his father will transform into a horse.

Griffin is also getting used to the gaming sessions every weekend. We go to a friend's house on Saturday, and he is slowly getting used to them, and the house. Although, it's hard to put him down for a nap there because he refuses to sleep. It's getting harder and harder to put him down when there's any light at all. Griffin seems to like the dice rolling, and the chatter. I also think he likes looking at the dice, because everyone gets such interesting looking ones. Griffin is much better during the times when we have games at our house, though.

His hair is coming in, but it is a light colour, so it's hard to see except as a shine to his head. It also isn't a distinct shade, sometimes seeming red, sometimes a tow blonde. His eyelashes are getting a nice copper tone, though. This is so like his father, whose own hair is gold, copper, silver and a very nordic white-blonde.

Watching him learn is a lot of fun. At these ages you can track when he suddenly understands a concept. Yesterday he tried to lift my shirt and get at a breast. When we talk, sometimes he'll place his hands on our mouths and just hold it there while we're talking, staring. One night when he really didn't want to go to bed, he started fussing when we turned out the light. He's starting to get the concept of lifting his butt and getting his knees under him while on his belly, though once and a while he still tries to explore the "surfing" method of travel (where he rocks back and forth on his stomach, legs and arms in the air), much to his chagrin. Soon, I predict crawling. We've seen him start to grab for things on purpose, and holding his bottle has become more common.

He definately likes it better outside when it's cold like this. We should take him outside before the leaves are all gone. Perhaps today will do!

5 months, 1 week, 5 days

2005-10-30T12:28:00.000-05:00

Griffin likes bananas. He likes them so much that when the jar was gone, he yelled. If he could speak, I imagine him saying "Hey!! Where are my bananas??! Not fair!" They also seem to agree with his system the best out of everything we've tried, the second being sweet potatoes.

Not too much has happened with Griffin this week, aside from him being unable to take naps that last more than 10 minutes in length, leading to an increase in laundry build up, and a general housewide crankiness.

Griffin has also decided that breastmilk is too slow for him, rejecting it a lot for a bottle (which he is able to hold by himself, increasingly). It isn't just that he wants the bottle more, it's also that he'll cry hysterically, and get himself into a fit and not accept the breast as an alternative. This makes me incredibly sad. The teething situation has also escalated, and his favourite teething toy? Mommy! The teething ring we have is too large for him, but he really does love to try to seperate my knuckles from my hand using only his gums in a fierce terrier-like motion, biting down and shaking his head.

My camera has a limited movie function. It's bad quality, unedited, and very short, but I have here a link to a movie. (This you can click on, mom:) Griffin Speaks

When I review these, holding Griffin, he gets entranced by watching himself. Sometimes he answers himself back, if he's making noise in the video.

Halloween is tomorrow! We have not gotten a pumpkin on time again this year, but we will next year, when he'll be more aware of what's going on. His costume will also be the Lil' Pumpkin outfit from his aunt Amber that you see in the picture here, and last week. In some ways I'm dissapointed, but in other ways I don't mind. We're not going to a party, or trick or treating, or even staying home to give out candy. We've plans to go to my brother and sister in law's house to watch scary movies and give out candy to the three trick or treaters who come to the door dressed in their every day clothing. I hope when he's old enough to be excited by dressing up that trick or treating will still be something people do. :)

5 months and 5 days old

2005-10-23T13:53:00.000-04:00

Griffin has started to scream at the top of his lungs when he is tired, something that's increasingly disconcerting. For a while I was concerned because he really seemed to be ignoring all his toys, uninterested in grabbing at them, or paying any attention to them. Then he started smacking at everything, and then out of the blue the smacking turned into grabbing. He still flails wildly at things, his coordination isn't so hot. He does seem to watch to learn though. He has a giraffe, given to him by his aunt Amber. It has a lot of different properties, one of which is a squeaky foot.. if you squeeze it, the noise comes. When I do that in front of him, slowly, Griffin does try to imitate me. He does it without success, but some day I'm really sure he'll understand that he needs to apply hand strength to make the squeeky noise. Then the house will be filled with squeeking. Griffin also seems to like this toy quite a bit, which is something different as well. He seemed not to really notice the toys around him too much previously. Now he actively grabs for the giraffe and his teddy bear.

Sadly, his sleep schedule this week has left something to be desired. We all desire more sleep. He doesn't sleep so well, gets cranky and overtired, and then doesn't sleep so well. It's a horrible cycle that I am hoping to break with naps.

Griffin, Eric, and I went for a ride to look at the leaves the other day. Griffin was so happy about this that he sat in his car seat giggling hysterically. It's nice to see him in a good mood more and more lately. When he giggles, if you giggle back, he giggles again. We can get into giggle loops for minutes at a time, and when that happens, it's like the sun is coming out. The best times I have with him are when we both can giggle together.

Along with noticing more around him, Griffin now actually looks at the pictures in books when I read them. I like to read to him, it keeps my mind from turning into TV mush. Since I am still restricted as to movement, Griffin and I have to amuse ourselves in one room. Reading to him is something fantastic that I know I will keep loving until the day he says "I want to read it!". And, as sad as that will be, I know that I'll still be proud to share the books I love with him.

Friday was our 5th anniversary, Eric and I. We didn't ask anyone to sit with him, and neither of us regret it. Aside from going out to eat, we all stopped into the huge Barnes and Noble here. We went into the children's section, and as soon as we did, Griffin started giggling. As we travelled around the section, he just kept looking around and laughing! When we got to this big "pooh's corner" type section, he added wiggling to it too. It was really cool. We just can't wait to get him books!

That is about it for this week. I hope to start him on pears soon. This week's picture is him in his pumpkin sleeper from Amber, on the playmat!

4 months, 4 weeks old

2005-10-15T22:18:00.000-04:00

After doing some research, we decided to start feeding him vegtables. Everything we'd seen suggested that the timetables given in the books were really just guidelines, and that not a lot of hard data is around about feeding infants, just children 2 years old and older.

So we decided to start with sweet potatoes. A small bit, on a spoon. He paused. Got a philisophical look on his face, and then grinned. So we kept giving him more. He lunged for each spoonful with a look of joy and greed on his cute little face. We finished the amount we'd brought out, and then sat back to wait. After a few days, he seemed fine. So we gave him the rest. He'd forgotten it, plainly, but once he tasted it again he ate with abandon.

Soon after, we decided to give him peas. Peas were an interesting experience. Seeing the spoon, he readily and happily opened his mouth, and then paused. The look of betrayal gave way to thoughtfulness and then acceptance. This was okay. It wasn't sweet potatoes, but it was okay. I made sure that when he ate a spoonful he knew I was happy with him, and that made everything better. The peas were thicker, so they didn't go through him with quite the speed that the sweet potatoes did, so we'll have to water them down a little, when we repeat the experience.

Griffin has learnt to turn himself onto his stomach from his back. He does it almost automatically now, which would be okay, except that he hates being on his stomach. So, as soon as he does it, he starts crying and rocking back and forth on his stomach. Unable to turn back onto his back, it becomes a game for us. I flip him over, he turns on his side like a little shrimp, and then flips onto his belly, and immediately starts screaming. What fun for me.

Griffin has discovered some new noises. One of them is like the laugh of that guy on Revenge of the Nerds, a sharp intake rather like gasping for air, which was very disconcerting the first time but is now funny. Combined with the big grin afterwards, even better. Another noise is a sharp, shrill shrieking, which isn't anything to indicate that he's upset.. it's just another noise he can make which he's discovered. We can make him do these by doing them to him first.. along with sticking out our tongue. We can get him to stick it out at us by doing it first, or by imitating him after he's done it. It's so incredibly cute that I've included a picture of it this time.

Luckily, Griffin has his father to take him outside. Griffin is fascinated with the leaves on the trees moving in the wind, traffic, wind on his face, ducks, and grass. He also seems to like the weather much better now that it's beginning to be cold. Just like his father!

10/12 4 months, 3 weeks, 3 days

2005-10-12T10:10:00.000-04:00

I apologize for missing a post, again. It is my intention to post every Sunday, but the past two have been unkind to me.

Griffin is "talking" more and more. The sounds he makes are more like singing, though. Pleasant to listen to, and amusing to watch. You can keep him going by repeating the sounds back to him, or by simply talking back to him. I've only used English, but I guess French or another language would work too. He loves having people talk to him, or sing to him. I want to start using sign language, but I'm going to have to refresh my memory, I haven't used it in so long I'm rusty.

He is starting to understand the principles of crawling. Previously, when put on his belly, he would curl himself up with his legs pointed towards the ceiling, and rock back and forth on his stomach. This makes him angry, and after a minute, he would be shouting in frustration. Lately though, he has been making some leaps in how crawling is actually accomplished, and is trying to get his knees up underneath him.

A lot of this I attribute to the playmat his Grandma Maryanne got for him. Instead of immediately hating being on his belly, he now has a mirror and some other fun things to look at while he is on his tummy, giving him time to get up on his arms and look around. When we encourage him at that, he gets bold, and tries other things with his legs. He has a lot of leg strength, too. He can stand for a short time with minimal support.

He eats his rice cereal like a champ. Some things we've looked into suggest that he doesn't really need to wait on this time table for things like vegetables and fruit. So we're thinking of squash, early.

We need to get him a new carseat, because he is rushing towards 20 pounds. Grandmoo (my mother), has said she'll get him one for Christmas, early (when she comes for Thanksgiving). That will be fantastic. He is so incredibly large.

Griffin Tales - Baby Blog.

2005-10-03T09:01:00.000-04:00

I apologize for this being a day late, I did not feel well on Sunday.

Griffin likes eating his hands. When we first brought him home, eating his hands was the first sign of hunger, but no longer. Even though he is just beginning to be able to grasp his rattle, it pales at the sheer entertainment value of his knuckles. He's also producing drool in buckets, which might mean teething, or it might mean he's trying to learn how to bathe himself naturally, like cats. We were finally able to introduce rice cereal without rejection this week, but with a good deal of mess. I can't wait until we can introduce him to vegetables, which will happen right around thanksgiving, so we're thinking about giving him sweet potatoes. We're going to avoid fruit until he's experienced vegetables, because we fear he might reject anything that wasn't fruit after he tastes how yummy and sweet they are.

Saturday, we went to the park, and he loved it. He loved being outside, and watching the other kids playing. Eric took him around, and showed him the trees, too. Griffin still isn't sure what to make of the sun, but he likes the other aspects of being outdoors. I don't blame him, he spends entirely too much time indoors. I can't wait for the day when I can take actual walks with him.

As promised, here is a picture. I was torn between this and one of Griffin in the park, but this one won.

test

2005-09-28T09:57:00.000-04:00

testing lj feed.

Sit right back and you'll hear a tale..

2005-09-27T15:57:00.000-04:00

This is a blog about my son, Griffin. It occurred to me that many of my family want constant updates, and this is a good way to go about it. I will update once a week. I will include pictures.