Griffin is now going to school. We had a long, heartbreaking process to get him into a school that could help him with his speech issues, without treating him as if he is autistic or mentally retarded. Thankfully, the director at one place downtown saw that he was not at all like the evaluation done on him, and spoke to the school district about a change in their recommendations. All this summer, he'd been going to a place that was a mix of regular and challenged kids. G's grandfather was very generous, and we were able to put him into the all day program for a few days a week. He bloomed while he was there, and we were able to get a firm handle on his screaming.. and his vocabulary started to pick up. It was also the first place where the teachers wanted to work with me to help Griffin, instead of trying to kick him out immediately. I felt like a weight had been lifted off me, like there was some hope and a point to all this.

So, now he's going to school. The screaming showed back up in between the time his summer program ended, and school began, so we're all working with him on it. Usually, he screams during transitions he doesn't like. His vocabulary is improving rapidly. He's regained an interest in his instruments. He seems happier in general. And he loves the school bus.
He loves the bus so much that he doesn't want to get off the thing in the afternoon. As he leaves it, he asks to get back on it (and also for his father).

He's changing, and it's hard to keep up, but it's easier to connect with him, and that makes me very happy. I am hoping that within a few months, he will be speaking much more coherently. I think we'd all be so much happier and stronger together. This summer went well. Griffin became so confident in the water, that he learned how to swim mostly on his own. We didn't have to hold onto him anymore, and could play some games with him. He never wanted to leave the pool. Honestly, I didn't either. I wish I could be a kid again, and not have to make the decision that we have to leave, really. Or remember to pack everything we need. I have gotten pretty good at packing for all the things we'll need; diaper explosion, burned faces, toys. Food, sometimes. I wonder if this is an ability that you get when you get pregnant. Like milk production!

Eric and I have been thinking of another one, but circumstances being what they are with the economy, I don't think we'll be getting a house until we're well past that stage. Right now, we can't fit another one into the equation. And I would like to keep losing weight. It would probably destroy things None of that matters to certain parts of me. My heart wants a girl. Given Eric's genes, I'll get a boy. Though I suppose that could be fun too. He could use someone to roll around with, once he's grown a little.

So over all, we're optimistic, and happy to settle in for a very long 10 months of schools.

Griffin and the end of schools.

He loves school. He calls it "schools", and every night, he asks to go there. "Schools?" he says sleepily, "kids?". He's desperate to play with other children, and it breaks my heart to see him sometimes trying to play with older children who ignore him. Since he started 'schools' a few months ago, he's changed dramatically. He knows how to share. He knows how to play with other children. He can control himself and not take a toy out of another child's hands. His vocabulary has jumped a mile, and he's trying very hard to communicate using words.

I think we made the best decision to put him there, despite their insistence that he get tested for everything under the sun. He will be evaluated, but all the troublesome behaviour that they set before us in great solemnity is now changed to something else. No one listens to parents, I guess. We told them that he had never been in a real social situation, and that we thought it would change a lot in him, but .. we just live here, and they see him for 3 hours, 4 days a week. They have degrees, you see, and degrees impart weight to words.

We did not want to get him evaluated, but they refuse to let him join the summer session without it, so we will get him evaluated. I think it would be a severe blow to Griffin's newfound sense of community to wait until Fall for him to have school again. I fear what the evaluators will say. With the prevalence of ADD&ADHD, and its use as the 'child does not sit perfectly still, we are at wits end' diagnoses, we worry about fighting with educators forever once we get him evaluated and this is on his permanent record.

There is only one thing I really want help with.. the screaming. He screams when there are things happening he dislikes, or when we are about to do something he won't like, or we change from an activity he loves, to something he doesn't want. He screams when he's afraid, he screams when he's frustrated. The noise is this horrible high pitched shriek that pierces the soul. I'd love to be able to have a way to get him to stop. He doesn't seem to comprehend it when we tell him to stop. Either that, or he's ignoring us.. and ignoring us is the new thing with him.

All in all though, I am happy with how he is growing, though I wish he would use the pedals on his bike. He apparently does this at school... but not here. Here he hunches over the top of the bike, and scoots along using his feet. He can get up a surprising speed this way.... but it's so silly. He actively resists learning how to use the pedals.. or simply using them here. It's very frustrating, and I should let it go, but I'm now fixating on it. I should probably not wish for him to pedal.. he could go so fast that I lose him in the maze of parking lots that make up the apartment complex.

This session is ending soon, and then there is a month or so until summer session.. if they let him into summer session (which I believe they will, as we are now submissive to their whims), and I dread a month of his being bored, sad, and asking plaintively for 'schools'.

Griffin and the New Snow

Griffin broke our camera, so here's an old picture of him from his first Christmas. Soon we'll have another camera, and I'll add new pictures.

Last year, he experienced snow for the first time that he'll remember. In October, in fact, during Arborgeddon. He was pretty excited then by it, but spent only a small amount of time in it, in an over sized suit bought by my mother. This year, he was excited to see it. "Yay! Snow!" he exclaims, running to the window, "Socka! Shoe! 'Side!". So his father brought him outside, in the same suit, now dangerously snug in the crotch. Once out in the weather, our little man decided it was okay to wear a hat, but not so much with mittens. Disturbed by the snow on all the playground equipment, he got a stick, and started hitting the stuff off swings, and the slide. Once he'd determined that he'd put the playground right, they came home, where we unwisely gave him a little hot chocolate.
Last Christmas, he was kind of unsure what to do with the packages, until too far after the occasion. This year, I expect not to be able to leave the living room for a moment without having to put him in his high chair. He will look at the tree, and promptly try to either climb it, or knock it down. We are travelling to my sister's house this year, but we're having a tree anyway. Christmas just isn't right without a blurry attempt at a picture of our tree. Also, since I was a kid, I've always loved to sit in the dark with the tree lights on. We have ours set to slowly fade from colour to colour (I have to get some lighting kicks somehow, I suppose), and I love the way it plays with the shinier ornaments. We may not have those on the tree this year, because of Griffin's desire to own all things. All the same, the lights bring me peace. A lot of very crappy stuff seems to always happen around this time of year. I'm not sure what the deal is with this..but every year, without fail, something happens to someone we know, if not us. Eric's had his share, early in life, so I hope he's immune now, like chicken pox. This year, the Christmas Pox appears to be affecting so many friends. I'm hoping my ankle is the end of it for us (*knocks on wood*).
Eric's mother is up for Christmas, and to see Griffin's new cousin, Elijah (who is massively awesome). Tomorrow, she'll watch G, and let Eric and I go to the theater. I don't get to the theater enough, and I always love going with Eric. I hope, when G gets older, we can all go together.
Be well
-Autumn

Griffin and the Trip of Doom

My sister Willow just graduated from Albany law school. We went down to be with her at her graduation. It was also the weekend of Griffin's 2nd birthday. The trip down to Albany was good. It was just about 5 hours, and Griffin was a remarkably good boy for most of it.

My sister and her partner have a fantastic half of a duplex, two dogs, and two cats. Griffin saw Willow's dog, Trucker, and immediately the two became good friends. Griffin would throw Trucker's ball, and he would run after it.. then Griffin would take the ball from the dog's mouth without fear. They ran from the front to the back of the house, over and over again. Willow and Amber were very happy to see their cute wee nephew, and surprised, I think, by how energetic he is, and how much he's grown. Griffin and Eric were both exhausted, so they went to the hotel early. Griffin refused to sleep in his crib, and hated the hotel. Eric got him to sleep on the bed, and the rest of the night was spent restlessly, as we passed him back and forth. This was to be indicative of the whole trip.. Griffin would not eat, and would barely sleep. Unless he was outside playing in a park, he was grumpy and tested his boundaries, over and over and over.

All the same, he had a nice birthday party that Saturday. All his grandparents (he has many!) except Dean were there, and he got many awesome gifts. We had hoped to stay two more nights, to visit with my father, and my friends, but Griffin had a melt down, and we had to leave too early. The only place he felt comfortable was the car, so we got back in it, and went home, packed to the gills with presents. I am so happy that Griffin has people who love him so much. I never thought to be thankful for my family, but after so long with friends who have families that leave me scratching my head in wonder, I realize that I have a blessing here.. and I don't think I'll ever take it for granted again. I'm so happy for my son, that he has these people who will always love him.

Be well,
Autumn

Griffin and the colouring, hang out day.

Griffin sat on my lap, and coloured. Every now and then he would give me a crayon insistantly, and it meant that I should write down a letter. So I'd write "A" or "O" or "P".. or any of a bunch of letters he knows well. He'd grin, point, and say the letter. Then he'd go back to making random marks on the paper with a crayon or a pen, and I'd go back to the computer. Every now and then I would stop what I was doing, and kiss his head, or tickle him. We sat like this for hours, the two of us in our own worlds, intersecting when we really wanted to. When he decided he wanted Sesame Street, he asked for it by pointing to the remote, and then sat on my lap with his fingers in his mouth, watching Sesame Street, and colouring. I occasionally would sing a song along with the muppets, in his ear. This would make him giggle hysterically. Then something frightened him, an animation on the show, and he wept into my chest. I turned the tv off, and comforted him. After he was done being afraid, he talked to me about it in his 1 year old language, occasionally punctuating his words with English. I looked him in the eye while he did this, and I listened to his tale for a while.

It occurred to me, after he'd abandoned me to play under the coffee table, that Griffin is incredibly cool. Our coffee table has a top that raises up, so you can eat/work on papers/read comfortably on the couch. It has a metal arm and springs that do this. Griffin climbs under the table to play a lot, and today he raised the table top, and went underneath to play. He hit and kicked the springs and arm, to make mellow sproingy metal noises, in rhythm. He did this for hours, just experimenting with sound, completely absorbed in it.

I have found that I can watch him for a very long time, without losing interest. He's incredible, my little silly boy. I love that he lets me read to him, I love that he calls a fork a "Circle". I love that he can ask for juice, or tells me when he wants his dad. I love that he makes the sound for a chicken when we tell him he's eating chicken, or the panting noise he makes when referring to a dog when he's eating a hot dog. I love his hair, I love his cute little cheeks, I love his way of crossing his fingers while he's chewing or sucking on them.

I loved the hang out day, and hope there's many more.
Be Well,
-Autumn

Griffin and the Apologetic Update.

First, let me apologize to everyone seeing this via RSS, I don't know why blogspot reposted them all.

I realize that I haven't updated this blog in a long time. Christmas came and went, and every month after I meant to continue this page, but the longer I went, the larger the job. If you will forgive me, I will continue as if nothing has changed.

Watching Griffin is fascinating. I can actually see him learning as he goes about his day. In the beginning of December, he was just beginning to learn the alphabet. Now he knows several words (and along with them, concepts), and seems to come up with a new one every day. He knows a few letters, shapes, and recognizes numbers.

I revel in his love of music, and making it with his toys. He has his two xylophones, of course, but he also uses pots and pans, the tables, his own body. I have become nearly immune to the racket he can produce. We will go into the kitchen, and I will cook something.. his lunch, or dinner. He will get a pan out of the cabinet, and bang on it with spoons, or his hands. He has a DVD of Stomp, that he watches over and over again, sometimes playing with them. He is a big fan of percussion, but he also likes other instruments, loving to watch people play the violin, or playing with his own pennywhistle. I know that not many other people can stand to hear the incessant clanging and banging, but I have a lot of patience because Griffin clearly has a passion for it.

With March comes a cessation to the snow, ice, and general evil. While we've brought him out a few times in the warmer weather, I can't wait until it gets to be summer, or even late spring. The return of sane weather and a loss of soggy ground will allow family outings of a more athletic nature. Kicking his ball around outside, swimming in the pool, meeting and chasing ducks in the park.. everything and anything to get out of the confines of the house.

Griffin has started to test my resolve, and we've begun a battle of stamina. I will win, but it will not be easy. His father is involved in this too, of course, but I see Griffin during most of his 'testing' time during the day, so I get the brunt of it. I don't mind this testing, because it does indicate that he's able to accept and understand boundaries and a little consequences for actions, such as having a toy taken away if he continues to bang on the television with it, and so on. Griffin also is capable and willing to tell me when he wants me to come and play with him, instead of just crying. I like this too.

When Griffin wants us to do something, he will attempt to move us to the place he wants us to go, or grab our hands and pull them to the object he wants us to interact with. For instance, he will routinely grab a finger, and pull it to a letter on a poster or a toy. When we say the name of the letter, he will move the finger to another one.. and so forth. Or if he wants to go outside and we're not getting his clever hints (such as bringing us his shoes), he'll move our hand to the doorknob.

Someday, he will speak English. Probably in full sentences, and that will make me very happy.

I promise to update regularly. For now, be well.
-Autumn

Griffin and the Briney Bird

It has been a long time, since I have updated this blog, and I do apologize for my tardiness. Quite a lot has happened in a small space of time, and I let this fall by the wayside.

This charming picture is of Griffin wearing his Uncle Dennis' hat. The hat stayed with us for a while, and ruled the house from its lofty perch on our gaming bookshelf. It oversaw Thanksgiving as well, making sure we made merry in the proper spirit of the day.

Thanksgiving was a full house. My brother in law Matt and his wife Nisha came, along with their twin boys. My mother and my step father came as well. I made two pies, one that I'm immensely proud of, and Matt brought a delicious pie and some lunch. I had a great time, and it was another awakening that Griffin really needs more socializing with other children in his life. The instant Nate and Sebastian came into the apartment, he was giggling, and ecstatically happy. They are now to the point where they can all play together, so there's also more time for the grownups to talk, which was also delightful. Sadly, he was too excited to eat much of the day's fare, but that was just fine. He did manage to get some of our lovely brined turkey (he likes dark meat), and some cranberry sauce, which he is both wary of, and enamoured with.

Griffin now takes both of his xylophones and puts them together as if they were one massive keyboard, and plays them at the same time. He has been experimenting with tones, and I know I've heard him from time to time, imitating music he's just heard. He also has an annoying fixation with the television, so I have to resort to turning off the cable box in order to cease its senseless nattering after Sesame Street has finished.

Sesame Street has had an amazing effect on him, as well. Griffin sits and pays rapt attention to every recitation of the alphabet, often indicating that I should rewind it so he can watch again. Then one day I watched him as he tried very hard to repeat the letters. It was during a sequence where an animated character showed each letter along with the sign language for it. I always use sign language when I recite the alphabet, and I think it was what clicked for him. I am very excited by this.

He has also started to cuddle with his stuffed toys. Putting him down for his nap, or for bedtime proper has become incredibly cute. This very evening in fact, he started cuddling one of his teddy bears, which let us know he was ready to sleep. When I put him in his crib he cuddled up to it, snuggling into bed. He does the same thing for his nap, giving me this huge smile (Sometimes, I wonder if he's being cute on purpose. He does mug for the camera from time to time, which is also incredibly cute.). He now goes down for his nap without much of a fuss, getting into his crib after some cuddling. I can't express how relieved this makes me, since his naps previously were only achieved after me leaving him screaming in his crib.

We look forward to Christmas with a combination of heady expectation and fear. Griffin will love the tree, the lights, the presents, the company. We will read him the Grinch (which his Aunt Amber thoughtfully provided for us), and put him in something damn cute to sleep in. We're just afraid that he will try to scale the tree, remove the ornaments, and eat the pine needles. He did have a first Christmas, but he was not as cognizant as he is now, and I think he will love it.

Now I must go.

Be well,
Autumn